Drunk Math Equations To Get You Weekend Ready

 

I have no idea if this is supposed to be funny or if it s a real PSA, because it is 1000% true. Chicks and dudes alike become hotter, you think you’re an absolute smooth criminal, meanwhile you’re falling over yourself to get to the bathroom, and laying down in bed becomes the worst experience of all time. Let’s hope all of these happen to you this weekend, cheers.

 

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121 Year Old Whiskey Shows Up In Scotland, And People Are Actually Considering Drinking It

 

 

Construction crews in Scotland just discovered a time capsule from 1894 containing what they think is a bottle of whiskey — leading the literally dozens of time capsules aficionados in the world to ask themselves the obvious question: Would I drink it?

The capsule, a rusted metal box that is clearly showing its age, was found inside a cornerstone in the Ruthven Road bridge just outside of a town called Kingussie. And, of course, the box contains plenty of the things we’ve come to expect from time capsules, like old newspapers and even a paper scroll. But the whiskey is obviously the real wild card.

“The changes which have occurred since it was placed there are extraordinary,” Robert Ogg of the construction company working on the bridge told the BBC. “If you think that the bridge was being used by horses back then, it gives you a sense of the time which has passed.”

Unlike some wines, whiskey doesn’t improve with age once it’s been bottled. The aging process of, say, an 18-year-old Glenlivet scotch refers to the number of years that the delicious brown liquid spent in the barrel before it was bottled — not the number of years it’s been sitting around in glass.

Even if the whiskey is drinkable, which it very well could be in the broadest sense of the term, there’s no way to tell for sure whether it will taste very good. In 2007, three bottles of whiskey dating to Ernest Shackleton’s failed 1907 expedition to the South Pole were discovered in the Antarctic. Shackleton’s team had abandoned them at Cape Royds in Antarctica but the bottles were returned to Scotland in 2007 for examination and even a taste test. Scientists sampled the whiskey and even tried to recreate it — a reportedly more peaty and smoky flavor than your average Scotch.

This more recent time capsule and its contents have been donated to the local Highland Folk Museum, but there’s no word on whether anyone will get to sample the alcohol. In this case, I have to admit that I’d drink the hell out of that bridge-whiskey. Highland Folk Museum, just give me a call if you need a taste tester.

Via Gizmodo

First of all, literally every single sign points to the fact that you absolutely MUST drink this whiskey if you at all have the chance. Most importantly, it is from Scotland. That’s hint #1 that this is a no-brainer decision. Number two is that everyone knows that whiskey gets better with age. That’s a fact. That’s part of the process of making whiskey in the first place. And finally, they’re aging whiskey in the ocean now anyway, so this is really just the hipster version of that Jefferson’s whiskey. I love how this article is saying that “there’s no way to tell if it would be any good.” Um there’s one obvious way and that is to send it to the Whiskey on the House HQ and let us get drunk off of it and review it. That’s pretty damn obvious, guys. I’ll be waiting.

Now These Are The Whiskey Women I Can Get Down With

Link to the article here on Bustle, great read.

 

Basically this article took 5 whiskey drinkers and had them talk about what makes whiskey great, the bars they own, their pasts/futures, and other shit like that. But the main idea is simple: people are finally starting to write shit that abides by the Whiskey on the House bylaws: there are in total 0 differences between male and female whiskey drinkers besides their uglies between the legs. We all love whiskey, so let’s not split it down the middle. Anyway I wanted to break down some of their stories here, because there’s a few gems:

 

Angela Lamb, Boston, MA

Why she loves whiskey: Whiskey has always appealed to me because it’s strong and delicious on its own. One cube of ice and you’ve ordered your drink. But if you want to take it further it needs just one more ingredient to be something amazing. Or a different kind of ice and you’re in heaven.

Her whiskey truth: Cocktails are meant to be enjoyed… and God damn, whiskey is enjoyable.

Dream whiskey date: Nick Offerman. I think he’s hilarious and would totally appreciate a good bourbon.

Craziest customer: A guy came into my bar and ordered a beer, but I just felt like something was a little off. I came out from behind the bar, and the guy had no shoes on and [was wearing] Starbucks coffee sleeves around his wrists. I wouldn’t serve him, and he did a little jig as he walked out of the bar.

On why whiskey is here to stay: Whiskey can be everything: sweet, bitter, strong. It’s the perfect mixer to any great cocktail… It’s a classic and will continue to come around forever.

 

Preach, Angela, Preach! Hometown girl coming in hot. She nails what makes whiskey awesome and that is because you don’t need to add anything to it to make it awesome. It’s amazing on its own (hear that, Fireball?). Now I would usually have a huge issue with her dream whiskey date, because out of everyone on the fucking planet she chose Nick Offerman for some reason- skipping past any awesome rock stars, famous politicians, or Captain America himself (Tom Brady), but I respect the choice just because it makes such little sense. But seriously, how do you not pick Brady here?

Also- that crazy customer? I’m about 70% confident that was me.

Tiffany Clifton, New York, NY

 

When she fell in love with whiskey: The first time when I had whiskey was when I turned 21. My best friend got me a bottle and I held onto it for about a year.

How does whiskey make you feel? It feels homey to me. It’s not strong and overpowering; it’s a nice sipping and relaxing kind of drink. Plus, vodka just seems too cold. It’s not giving me a hug.

Her dream whiskey date: I would love to share a whiskey with Drew Barrymore. I think we’d have a nice hippy dippy evening with whiskey on the rocks and just talk about life and love and just have a good old time.

Advice for young bartenders breaking into the cocktail biz: Be confident, don’t get angry at customers, and know the basics: Martinis, Manhattans and margaritas.

What she’d say to someone who told her whiskey is a dude’s drink: Shut the fudge up.

 

I’m sort of torn on your answers here, Tiff. First of all, I love the how does whiskey make you feel answer. Don’t entirely agree, but I can completely see where she’s coming from. And also vodka “feels” cold because it has the blood and soul of commies in it. Duh. But then Tiffany goes off on another terrible dream whiskey date choice. Drew Barrymore?? What planet am I on? What the hell would you talk about besides her shitty movies? Life? “So Drew, how does it feel to literally have not made a single watchable movie in your life?” Also C- answer on what she’d say to some asshole who tells her whiskey is a dude’s drink. Don’t get me wrong I agree with the sentiment 100%, anyone who says that is a douche, but saying fudge instead of fuck died in 2nd grade and that’s where it belongs.

 

Clairessa Chaput- Boston, MA

Where her bond with whiskey began: I still wasn’t sold on the whiskey-loving thing until I made my first Sazerac. The layers of flavor and depth to that cocktail won me over and was the first of many favorite whiskey drinks.

On the many shades of whiskey: When the time calls for it, there are just so many different options for whiskey. You’ll most certainly be satisfied after your first and last sip (and probably all the ones in between too).

On whiskey and the five senses: I think my own personal experience with a tasty whiskey is unique because of what it tastes like, how it smells, and how it hits all my senses as I drink it. You can have spicy, sweet and smooth, smoky, robust, or something with heat and bite to it.

On the value of discovering whiskey: I think everyone, not just women, should explore different whiskeys. There is definitely something out there for everyone’s palate to enjoy.

 

Boston representing on this god damn list, well done ladies. You know this chick is legit when her love of whiskey grew from a Sazerac. That’s hard core stuff right there. And I think she just summed up why dudes and chicks should all drink whiskey better than I ever have in that last answer there. Needless to say I’m going to have to check out her bar and order myself a Sazerac from this chick.

 

People In Canada Are Complaining That Selling Booze in Supermarkets Makes It Too Challenging For Alcoholics

 

The newspapers unfurl on the kitchen table every morning, and for an hour I am an old-school general of the news, absorbing fresh troop movements and daily atrocities.
It is early and I am not done with coffee, nor have I eaten an orange or an egg, when the LCBO ad insert falls out of the paper, and I suddenly feel the need for clear gin in bottles blue or green, and a pale cold glass of pilsner, and rye whiskey splashed over crystal cubes of ice and, yes, a delicate glass of wine as dark as blood.
It is not yet 8:00 a.m.
I am not a heavy drinker. I have a glass or two of wine with supper, and I will have a few more on longer social occasions, but in my adult life I have rarely had a hangover, and I have not missed a day of work, or lost a friendship, nor have I bent a fender because of alcohol.
Perhaps this is because I am keenly aware that there were five men in my immediate family, and three had troubles with the bottle, and booze killed one of them, and it hurt another hard, and so every time I feel the seduction in a glass, it is cut with a splash of caution.
But seriously, at 8:00 a.m.?
That is the power of an LCBO ad: the glossy paper, the summery pastels, the purity and joy splashed on the page, and above all the association with food, all that gorgeous porn of grilled corn, crab salad, and pink ribbons of prosciutto.
Food with drink is my deep desire, and the twinning of these on glossy paper makes me weak, which is why I feel the fleeting urge for alcohol before I’ve had my breakfast. It frightens me.
Here is what frightens me more:
Booze in supermarkets.
The supermarket where I shop has a miserable little display of middling Ontario wine. I can get a free snort if I choose. But even if I do not choose to drink at the supermarket, I have to pass in front of the temptation. I can, of course, bypass the temptation.
Not everyone can.
And of course I like convenience, but it seems to me that the government is making a grim calculation; more liberty for some, at the expense of hapless others.
It has long been known that when access to alcohol is made easier, booze-related problems also rise: more alcoholics, more drunk drivers, more binge drinking, more families broken, more failed livers, more throat cancers. The calculation is that the cost to treat this increase in pain will be offset by increased revenue from taxes.
That is cold-blooded.
I know guys who are on the wagon; theirs is a delicate daily struggle. The hardest medal earned is the Alcoholics Anonymous chip: sober for one month.
I once spent an evening with a group of alcoholics; they met downtown. They were regular guys who liked a drink. And then they liked it far too much, for far too long, and now they were crawling back to their lives.
The room where they met had a large window overlooking the street. One day, a huge ad for liquor appeared on a billboard visible from the window; hot sun, cold drinks, good times.
The room was swelteringly hot.
The people who ran the group were able to persuade the sign company to remove that particular inducement, which was a sweet and generous thing to do.
But no one can stop the government from putting the real thing in front of all our noses every time we need a quart of milk or a loaf of bread, or some of that crab salad.
I think that’s wrong.
 

Oh, Canada. What are we going to do with you guys? On one hand I thought everyone in Canada loved to drink. All they do is play hockey, get drunk, and go ice fishing. But how does that mentality fit into them bitching about being able to buy booze in supermarkets? Listen, Canada, it’s not a good look to be complaining about this when there’s poor Bostonians who are begging their own state to allow all supermarkets to sell booze. It’s getting ridiculous. Having to go to a completely separate store just for beer and liquor is absurd. You don’t know how good you have it up there, guys. The rest of the world simply does not care about your country, the US will protect you if anyone fucks with you, and all you have to do is just keep your head down and drink. Sounds like the life right there, so don’t go and spoil it by becoming whiny little bitches. You know what happens to whiny little bitches? You become France. And sure, you’re kind of the butt-end of a lot of jokes worldwide, but you are nothing like France. So stop trying to be.

Fuck These Guys

 

What a bunch of assholes. There’s being drunk and doing funny shit that sometimes blurs or crosses the line, but this is just 1000% unfunny. This sand castle is fucking awesome. And this guy is just minding his own business sitting next to it, proud of his work. He’s not jamming it down your throats that he’s a professional at building sand castles, so why are you jamming it down his that you’re drunk? Newsflash, anyone can get drunk. No one can build a sand castle like that. That’s pure talent. He’s a cant-miss prospect in the sand castle sports world. Hopefully he can just take this one as a learning experience and come back better than ever next summer.

Now for these guys, I think I speak for everyone when I say that they should be taken out back and shot Old Yeller style. Ass clowns.

Young People Are Swearing Off Of Booze While The Old Folks Get Hammered

 

 

It’s 4.30 on Friday afternoon and Nick Swifte​ is cracking open a beer with colleagues.

By his own admission, the 45-year-old advertising executive is a “drinker of some renown”.

“I like getting drunk. I’m a big fan of it. Working as a media buyer there is booze everywhere. Any function you go to, every achievement, every win, every loss, it’s all celebrated with booze. There’s as much of it as you want and it’s all free.”

Illustration: Matt Golding
This weekly ritual, played out in workplaces and bars around the country, is not a new phenomenon.

But in recent times, Swifte has noticed a change at Friday night drinks.

“If the beer and chips come out at 4.30, by 5.30 all the kids under 30 are gone,” he said.

“When we were starting out in our 20s if the office turned on booze you would literally sit around and drink until there was nothing left. Now the younger staff might have one beer or not drink at all.

“They just don’t seem to have the same alcohol focus as the era when I grew up.”

It’s an observation that neatly encapsulates an emerging shift in Australia’s drinking culture. An increasing number of young people are turning their back on alcohol. Yet, at the same time, older drinkers show no signs of slowing.

Experts warn the health burden for those in their 40s, 50s and 60s is starting to bite.

“This is almost an invisible group, partly because when people get older the pattern’s been entrenched for a long time it’s sort of seen as this is just what they do,” said Professor Jon Currie, director of the National Centre for the Neurobiological Treatment of Addiction.

There is now concern that while attention has been focused on binge drinking among young people, their parents and grandparents have quietly been drinking themselves into oblivion.

“Binge drinking in older people can become more risky even than in younger people because of falls, confusion, cognitive impairment. Even the ability to tolerate moderate drinking becomes much less in the older population,” Currie said.

“Their resilience is depleted and the damage that alcohol can do increases because there’s less reserve in terms of brain capacity.”

Generational changes in the way we drink can be seen in figures from the most recent Australian Institute of Health and Welfare’s National Drug Strategy Household Survey – considered the most detailed snapshot of our nation’s legal and illegal substance use.

Between 2004 and 2013 the number of 12 to 17 year olds abstaining from alcohol rose from 54 per cent to 72 per cent, while binge drinking among this age group dropped.

And, although 18 to 24 year olds are still the group most likely to binge drink, the trend is on a downwards curve.

In 2013, 57 per cent were drinking more than four drinks in one sitting at least once a month, compared to 47 per cent in 2004.

The proportion drinking at very high levels – 11 drinks or more – has dropped from 24 to 18 per cent.

Among 18 to 39 year olds, the number at risk of alcohol-related harm on a single occasion, or drinking in a way that puts them at long-term health risk, has continued to drop in the past five surveys, carried out every two to three years.

Conversely, over the past decade there has been little change in alcohol consumption in the over 40s and, in some older age groups, it is gradually increasing.

Among 40 to 49 year olds, 31 per cent are binge drinking once a month or more, compared with 29 per cent in 2004, and 27 per cent in 2001.

Those aged over 70 are the most likely to drink every day.

“Alcohol blunts all of life’s little disappointments. As you get older there’s more pain, there’s arthritis, there’s hips, there’s aches, there’s often depression, the finishing of careers, boredom and feeling of loss, impending mortality. All of these are immense drivers towards drinking,” said Currie, former chairman of the committee that produced Australia’s current alcohol guidelines. 

Overall consumption dropping but risky drinking remains high

His concerns seem hard to reconcile with figures released in May by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, revealing alcohol consumption is at its lowest level in 50 years.

The alcohol industry trumpeted the 2013-14 data as proof Australia’s binge drinking problem had been inflated by an over-zealous public health lobby.

But the picture is more nuanced than the figures suggest.

 

This is just one small, minuscule example of the problem with today’s youth. Now I’m well documented in saying that I am apart of this shitty generation that they call millennials. I cannot deny that. But that also gives me an inside look into why shit like this is actually happening. And that is because we’re all pussies, plain and simple. Why do you think everything that gets said on the internet gets turned into the PC police? Why do you think you aren’t allowed to make fun of fat people anymore? Because the millennials are ruthless, PC-oriented, vanilla pussies. So it makes perfect sense that more people my age turn to pills and weed than drinking alcohol. Sure weed is great and Molly can be cool. But alcohol is your best friend in all situations. Booze stands by you no matter the situation or the consequences. But we would rather pop a Molly then complain about a gender-shaming slur we saw on twitter than we would drink a couple beers and have a great conversation with our buddies. It’s fucking horrible. So yes, of course the middle aged of America are not only drinking more, but are bingeing more because they see how the young-ins of America are growing up and it is god damn depressing.

Genius Scientists Attribute Middle Aged Sex to Booze

 

 

A new study has dispelled the myth that having drunken sex before waking to a world of regret is only common among young New Zealanders.

It also reveals Kiwis are more likely to have at least one heavy drinking session a week at the age of 38 than when they were 32. 

The University of Otago study has shown drinking alcohol before sex remains common among people approaching middle age and can lead to sexually transmitted diseases and abortion. 

“We feel young people drink a lot because we see a lot of it, but really the whole population drinks a lot,” the study’s lead author Professor Jennie Connor said.

The findings are the latest to come from the Dunedin Study, the world’s longest running cohort study which has tracked the progress of more than 1000 people born in Dunedin in 1972-3. 

When they were assessed at 38 years of age, 8 per cent of men and almost 15 per cent of women in the study said they usually or always drunk alcohol before having sex in the previous 12 months. Only 20 per cent of men and 16 per cent of women said they never did so.

About 14 per cent of men and 12 per cent of women reported some adverse effects of drinking before sex in that year, including regretting sex and failure to use contraception or condoms.

“This is a cohort of adults who have been exposed to high levels of alcohol consumption among their age group when they were growing up and some patterns of behaviour have persisted,” Connor said.

The study showed that drinking heavily at least once a week was more common at 38 years of age than it had been at 32.

This frequent heavy drinking was associated with a higher likelihood of sexually transmitted diseases in men and abortions among women, between 26 and 32.

Connor said there had been limited investigation of the role of alcohol in sexual behaviour beyond young adulthood. It appeared some of the Dunedin Study participants had retained the heavy drinking habits of their youth as they approached middle age.

“We are seeing [people] who have been through that heavy [drinking] culture coming through, and we don’t really know what’s going on with them.

“If we want to improve sexual health and wellbeing and reduce the regret and physical consequences, infections and unwanted pregnancies and so on, you need to understand who it’s happening to and potentially why it’s happening.”

 – Stuff

A lot of different conclusions coming in hot from these “kiwi” scientists. First and foremost, the conclusion that 38 year olds drink more heavily than 32 year olds is the most obvious statement that I think I’ve ever heard in my life. Any older person on this planet drinks more than a younger person. That includes college kids. Doesn’t matter that they binge drink like lunatics on the weekends. Trust me, if you have money to spend, you’re drinking more than the younger demographic. It’s that simple.

Secondly, the fact that most people are boozing before sex is just as obvious. That’s because every single day at 5:00 PM Kiwi Time, the booze begins no matter what. So yes, when they eventually decide to have sex, they have booze in their system. I love that science needs to hire teams of people for month-long investigations into the most obvious nuances of daily living. The best part is that you know these scientists truly believe that their results are breathtaking and groundbreaking. I can see it now with their nerdy voices/thoughts “meh these people are actually consuming alcoholic beverages before participating in nookie! Mwaha!” Science. Get a grip for me one time please.

“BeerBots” Are Here to Fetch Humans Beers, Eventually Turn And Kill Us All

 

 

We all know the struggle: You’re vegging out on the couch, eyes on your favorite Netflix show, hand tight around a half-empty craft brew. The last thing you want to do is get up and get yourself another beer.

Now imagine you can get a robot to fetch you a beer while you stay comfortably seated on the couch. That’s exactly the idea behind BeerBots, a team of robots developed by researchers at the Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (CSAIL) at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

For their experiments, the MIT researchers turned their laboratory into a testing ground where the two small robo-waiters, called “turtlebots,” could roam freely. The turtlebots, which resembled coolers on wheels, traveled back and forth from the bar to rooms where people were sitting, and they’d take drink orders from the human participants. When someone requested a beer, a turtlebot traveled to a third machine, the large robot “bartender,” which supplied the beverage. Then the turtlebot delivered the beer to the person.

The BeerBots used algorithms to plan, reason and fill the orders. In addition, each turtlebot had to determine which orders were requested in which room and when the other turtlebot had delivered drinks, said MIT communications coordinator Adam Conner-Simons in a statement about the project.

The project was the brainchild of Chris Amato, a former CSAIL postdoctoral researcher who is now a professor at the University of New Hampshire. Amato worked with a team of MIT professors, postdocs and graduate students to develop the BeerBots, which were presented in July at the annual Robotics Science and Systems conference. 

As you might guess, coordinating a team of robots to deliver beer is far from easy. In a recent paper, the MIT researchers detailed some of the issues they faced in the experiment, including navigation problems, unpredictable outcomes and communication between robots and humans.

“Each robot’s sensors get less-than-perfect information about the location and status of both themselves and the things around them,” Amato said, per MIT News. “As for outcomes, a robot may drop items when trying to pick them up or take longer than expected to navigate. And, on top of that, robots often are not able to communicate with one another, either because of communication noise or because they are out of range.”

Anticipating these difficulties, the MIT researchers programmed the robots with complex planning algorithms, which allowed the machines to engage in higher-level reasoning about their location, status and behavior — similarly to they way humans perform tasks. In other words, the BeerBots were aware of their neighbors and could adjust to several possible situations. 

“Almost all real-world problems have some form of uncertainty baked into them,” said Amato, according to MIT News. “As a result, there is a huge range of areas where these planning approaches could be of help.”
Sure enough, these planning algorithms have applications beyond bartending. For instance, Amato and his collaborators are currently testing the algorithms with robots employed in simulated search-and-rescue scenarios. 

Via HuffPost

 

Fist of all, fuck off Huffington Post. I still have no idea if you’re a real website or not. Your articles are either very The Onion-y, or they’re just written terribly. I mean enough with the “bro-down” lingo with the opening paragraph of sitting on the couch with a half-empty craft brew. Shut the hell up. So you’re sitting on your bro-throne watching Entourage and you realize that your IPA stache has totally gone bone dry. Oh no bro! God damn it I hate them. Anyway, this is the beginning of the end for mankind. You can see this coming from a mile away: robot learns to get man booze, man trusts robot, robot turns on man and destroys his species. I’ve seen I, Robot to know that this is exactly what is going to happen. But in this case, it’s the MIT researchers to blame. You know these are the guys who were probably bullied in school, never got laid in college, and now hates everyone that has a good time. So what do they do? They create a beer-fetching robot for all those boozing bros who never invited them to their parties, install a killswitch for once these robots become trusted, and then they murder all the frat bros and the nerds get to take over. Once again, nerds. If you’re going to try to sneak one by Whiskey on the House, you better bring your god damn fastball.