Here’s 5 More Holiday Alcoholic Beverages

1. The Snowball

snowball

Ingredients: Tequilla, vanilla, milk, kahlua, cinnamon

This one’s a doozy. Tastes like iced coffee mixed with a margarita. That sounds absolutely disgusting but it’s pretty good and will definitely get you tipsy right off the bat.

2. Apple Pie Moonshine

apple pie moonshine

Ingredients: moonshine, apple juice, apple cider, cinnamon, vanilla

The real recipe calls for Everclear but that’s legitimately the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Go full moonshine or go fuck yourself.

3. Tom and Jerry Batter

tom and jerry

Ingredients: whiskey, hot water, sugar, vanilla, egg (if you’re a lunatic)

This one comes out tasting exactly like cookie dough. It’s fucking ridiculous. I can’t support anything that asks you to drink a god damn raw egg, but if that gets your willy tingly, go do you.

4. Grinch

grinch

Ingredients: Midori, lemon juice, simple syrup

Haven’t actually tried this one but it looks nuts. Definitely seems like the type of wild-card drink that could either be incredible and make your party complete, or it could suck and end up leaving everyone puking up this neon green light-saber fuel.

 

5. The Three Wisemen

Three-Wisemen

Ingredients: 3 whiskies with names in them: George Dickell, Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, etc. (pic shows with Jack Daniels but come on, have some self-respect)

Just put three equal parts of the whiskey, and go nuts. These wisemen brought you the greatest gift of all, and that is drunkenness around the holidays.

 

There you have it! Definitely make these at your holiday parties over the weekend and send us your pics of how they came out on twitter at @WhiskeyOTHouse, if you’re anything like us your drinks end up looking NOTHING like they do in the pictures, but they somehow get better and better looking as the night goes on.

Check Out This Booze Calculator

Pretty fucking sweet concept here. You put in how much booze you drink and it’ll tell you where you drink like you’re from. I’m not going to lie I’m not very happy with my results, but I’m not entirely pissed at them either. I just don’t get it.

Screen Shot 2014-12-19 at 8.55.05 AM

 

Does this mean I drink like I’m poor or something? I drink like I enjoy my shots with a side of Ebola? Whatever. It’s all a mystery.

Sound off with what country you got. I have a feeling us here at Whiskey on the House will all identify with the spirit-heavy countries:

fav-drinks-map

 

 

Calculate your drinking nationality here: http://www.bbc.com/news/health-30500372

Putin Mocks Drunk Reporter, Whoops He’s Actually Just a Stroke Survivor

russia-putinjpeg-0b6c2_c0-201-4809-3004_s561x327Russian President Vladimir Putin made an unfortunate gaffe Thursday during his annual televised news conference, when he joked that a journalist who asked about a local alcoholic drink, was drunk himself, but it was later revealed that the reporter had suffered two strokes and a brain injury that affected his speech.

Vladimir Mamatov, a Kirov-based journalist for the Reporter newspaper, asked Mr. Putin about the production of kvas, a local drink made from fermented bread that is slightly alcoholic.

“A very down-to-earth question. … We produce kvas in my town.” Mr. Mamatov began, stumbling on his words, NBC News reported.

“I have a feeling you’ve had some kvas already,” Mr. Putin replied to audience laughter.

Journalists latched onto the joke, circulating the remark on Twitter.

“Obviously drunk journalist asks Putin how he can get local kvas into supermarkets. ‘I see you’ve already partaken in your kvas’ Putin cracks,” Alec Luhn, a journalist for The Nation, tweeted.

An employee at The Reporter confirmed to NBC that Mr. Mamatov has suffered two strokes and a brain injury and that his speech is slow.

Russia Today issued a correction on its Twitter feed, and the gaffe has made headlines.

“Correction: Kirov journo who asked #Putin about #Kvas NOT drunk — survived multiple strokes,” Russia Today tweeted.

“Work is Kirov journalist peddling Vyatka Kvass, whom we joked was drunk, actually a stroke survivor. I’m sorry. Vyatka Kvass still hilarious,” Mr. Luhn wrote in his most recent tweet.

Mr. Putin was crowned Russia’s “Man of the Year” this week for the 15th year in a row, Russian news source Interfax reported.

 

Does anyone really think that Putin didn’t know this? He was the Man of the Year for the fifteenth fucking year in a row in Russia, he can do whatever the fuck he wants. He probably has a quota of people he’s supposed to shit all over on a daily basis. Putin just must have been one man short, so what’s the most logical thing to do? Pick on the stuttering dude in the front row. I’m not saying it’s a nice thing to do, but the man’s hands were tied. Both the reporter asking a question and Putin dumping on him were just doing their jobs, plain and simple.

LOVE the fact that Putin has won Man of the Year fifteen god damn years in a row. I can’t quite comprehend that one. He’s just on a whoooole different level. Wrestling sharks, collecting awards, putting stutterers in their place.

WOTH Advice Column: I’m 30 Years Old And Have No Clue About Booze

Side-effects-of-alcoholHi, I am a 30-year-old working professional and drink alcohol occasionally. There are certain studies that say moderate alcohol drinking is good for health. I want to know the negative effects of drinking alcohol? Does it cause long-term diseases or problems in sexual life?

Time and again, there have been numerous studies stating the ill-effects of alcohol on health, but people still tend to consume it. Apart from this, drinking alcohol also affects your social life and behaviour. A glass of alcohol causes significant changes in the body, which most of us are unaware of. Here are some clinical and social complications due to alcohol consumption.
Health risks due to alcohol consumption
There is no doubt that drinking alcohol causes major health problems and increases the risk of various diseases.
Problems with liver: When you drink alcohol, the liver gets diverted from its other functions and focuses mainly on converting alcohol to a less toxic form. Absorption of alcohol by the liver causes fatty liver disease, inflammation of the liver and cirrhosis. Here’s why alcohol is bad for your liver.
Disturbance in sleep pattern: Most people drink alcohol to fall asleep. However, research studies suggest that drinking before sleep interferes with the body’s ability to regulate sleep naturally (sleep homeostasis). If you continue doing so, over time the quality of sleep is diminished and it might lead to insomnia.

Affects sexual life: Long-term consumption of alcohol might affect your sexual health. Alcohol not only inhibits parts of the nervous system that play a key role in sexual arousal but also inhibits the flow of blood to the genitals. Read about foods that are bad for your sex life.
Interference with calcium absorption: As liver function is impaired in alcoholics, the synthesis of vitamin D in the body is also affected. Apart from this, the absorption of calcium by the body is affected. In the long run, this might result in osteoporosis as oestrogen and testosterone levels also affected due to excessive alcohol consumption.
Increased risk of lung ailments: Excess consumption of alcohol is known to cause Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), a life-threatening lung disease. It causes buildup of fluid inside the air sacs, thereby preventing oxygen from passing into the bloodstream. The condition worsens as you drink, which may lead to long-term lung complications.
Impaired kidney function: The electrolyte balance of the body and hormones that influence the kidney function are disturbed due to excess consumption of alcohol. The long term effects of alcohol on kidney include increased risk of suffering from kidney failure and kidney stones.
…Continued at The Health Site

 

So this is a little advice column series that I literally just made up, where you see the person’s question, the official response from the site, and then our, more intelligent and well-informed response.

Dear 30 Year Old Working Professional,

First, let me start off with a question to throw your way before handling your own question. Are you a psycho? Don’t laugh, I’m being serious. Are you psychotic? Because I simply can’t understand how someone can go through thirty years of life, drink occasionally, and have as little of a clue about booze as you do. Something has to be going wrong here, there must be a lack of communication somewhere. You either cannot be thirty years old, or you’ve never drank before in your life. One of those statements has to be true. So I’m going to choose my own adventure and assume you’re a thirty year old who has never touched a drop of booze, and answer your question in that regard.

So to begin, if you’re planning on becoming a real person sometime soon (you know, one who drinks and doesn’t lie), there are zero side effects for you to worry about. You clearly struggle with social situations, so the one major benefit of booze will be to make you better in those situations, and that faaaar outweighs any sort of negative effects. Sure, some people will throw some science bullshit at you, but they’re just trying to get you not to drink and be just like them. Science nerds are no good. Stay away from them. Other than that, get to drinking, and know that no matter what people say, booze is good for ya.

Russia Knows How to Recession

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MOSCOW –- It hasn’t been quite as bad as “Black Tuesday,” but Russia’s volatile ruble continued its slide on Wednesday. That slowed down, however, after Russia’s finance ministry took emergency measures to try to stem the currency’s precipitous plunge.

Meanwhile, Russian consumers frantically flocked to stores to buy up big-ticket items, as they looked to forestall massive price hikes following the ruble’s fall in past days.

But many also dropped thousands of dollars worth of rubles on everything from booze to breakfast cereal, prompting social media users to joke that they were “investing” their money in the items.

“Good that my husband invested in vodka. We’ll get drunk out of sorrow when our 20 bucks is gone,” tweeted one user.

“With the goal of saving assets during the crisis, I invested in a good bottle of cognac,” wrote another.

Others crowded into supermarkets to stock up on food and home supplies. At one Auchan grocery in Moscow, a cashier told Mashable that she helped “several” customers who had spent $1,000 to $2,000 dollars on products.

Even more opted for pricer, durable goods.

Several car dealerships suspended sales, as they were unsure how far the ruble would fall, The Wall Street Journal reported. But with consumers’ confidence in banks low, dealerships that remained open saw a wave of customers looking to buy automobiles, especially luxury vehicles.

…continued at Mashable

 

Can I get a fuck yeah Russia? What a country. Just sitting back throughout the years watching the US go into a deep Recession and slowly work our way out, knowing that they’d need to know some tricks to get through their own. And god damn are they getting through it. At the first sight of recession, people are dropping dollars on cognac, vodka, and whiskey. Love it. Sure it might go up in value by a ruble or none, but more importantly, it is what will get you out of the recession if you drink enough of it. First Russia steals PBR right from under our noses, and now they’re schooling us on how to Recession. The rest of the world might think that Putin is on a losing streak, but it’s clear that he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Yawn: Studies Show That Women Make Up Almost Half of US Whiskey Drinkers

il_340x270.507507136_hzhhWhile recent reports of a bourbon shortage include plenty of speculation as to why (and why now), one theory the conspiracists overlooked was maybe women were the cause. They make up 27% of whiskey drinkers in the US according to latest Nielsen Research. Research from Beam Suntory shows 37% of US whiskey drinkers are women.

The current whiskey story is a good one. According to Nielsen, whiskey sales in all US outlets are almost $4 billion as of November 2014 (versus $3.5 billion in 2013). The drivers, say the experts, are an increase in channels as well as the booming cocktail culture (a boozy fallout from Mad Men). Then there is the female factor and while celebrity-centric marketing (like using Mila Kunis and Christina Hendricks to promote Jim Beam and Johnnie Walker) may be one strategy for bringing in the ladies, Fred Minnick, a journalist and longtime contributor to Whisky Magazine, doesn’t buy it. “The growth in female consumption is purely organic. Women were in whiskey at the very start and they are leading it today.”

A Mini US History

In Whiskey Women: The Untold Story of How Women Saved Bourbon, Scotch, and Irish Whiskey (Potomac Books 2014) Minnick chronicles women’s roles in its production, sale, distribution and consumption. While the book explores the story of an industry, it also provides a glimpse into America’s complicated relationship with alcohol through shifting landscapes–economic, political, moral and social—and women’s changing roles throughout. The early US whiskey story centers around prostitution in the 1800s, a time when women sold more than $2 million of whiskey per year primarily in brothels. “While it wasn’t illegal for women working in brothels to sell sex, it was illegal for them not to pay their whiskey tax and they were notorious for this,” says Minnick.

Via Forbes

Yawn. I’m failing to see how shit like this continues to warrant actual headlines and articles. I fundamentally disagree with the main headline being anything other than expected. Women make up 27% of the whiskey industry and have roots dating back to when whiskey was first created? No shit. Like I’ve said from the start, everyone loves whiskey. People love whiskey. Doesn’t matter if you have a dick or a vag, you probably love whiskey. So the fact that so many women enjoy whiskey isn’t the least bit surprising. It’s basically the same as creating a headline that men love whiskey. We fucking know that already. I would honestly be insulted if I was a chick. I can’t even think of that. Like if news stations started saying BREAKING NEWS!! MEN……ACTUALLY ENJOY……FOOD! I don’t know what I would think. Does the traditional booze media think that women everywhere just sip foo-foo wine coolies?

One interesting part of this article and how it’s sneaky extremely sexist is that whole theory of women are behind the “whiskey shortage.” Newsflash everyone: the whiskey shortage is bullshit and we’ve been calling here from Day 0.

5 Great Gift Whiskeys For The Holidays

So in light of what happened this morning, I wanted to set the record straight and let everyone know that whiskey is the perfect gift for Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, Festivus, or whatever other weirdo shit you celebrate. But when giving a bottle, you don’t want to overspend, and you don’t want to cheap out. And you also need to think of who you’re buying for. Your father in law would probably lombardi the shit out of you if you give him a bottle of Old Grandad, but your buddy would sit down and get hammered with you. There’s subtle differences that can make or break these gifts, and we’re here to help.

 

1. Johnny Walker Black Label, $35.00

JohnnyPerfect For: An older brother who thinks you don’t know anything about anything, or a younger brother who thinks he likes whiskey but hasn’t had the chance to try something really nice yet. Also is great for anyone who’s kind of a fake fancy person: says he loves Scotch but hasn’t really branched out.

Black Label is a fantastic go-to for a medium end Scotch. It’s fancy enough to be seen as an amazing gift, but it’s not outlandish to the point where your wallet will be completely empty. And it totally just puts those fancy hipsters in a mental pretzel. You know those guys who wear those ties with the bottom squared off and fake glasses that pretend to love Scotch, but have only really heard of Black Label. So it’s the perfect back-handed gift you can give while exposing their hipsterness.

 

2. Four Roses Yellow Label Bourbon, $20.00

four rosesPerfect For: Your buddies, bringing to a holiday party, or for someone who just recently got into whiskey (because you don’t want to buy them something shitty, but also don’t want to spend big).

This is a great whiskey for one of your friends. The perfect whiskey to sip, shoot, mix, and have a conversation with. And it’s only 20 bucks, so you can even bring it with you to a holiday party.

 

3.  WhistlePig Straight Rye Whiskey, $70.00

whistlePerfect For: your dad, grandfather, or wife (if she’s fucking awesome)

High end, ultra premium, unbelievable rye. Needs to be someone who knows their shit so they appreciate it, and someone who really enjoys a good, spicy rye. This will totally count as your full Christmas gift, and if it doesn’t, you should find a new family because yours is full of assholes.

 

4. Woodford Reserve Bourbon, $37.00

197901LPerfect For: Your best friend, spouse, or in-laws

Great whiskey that really strikes the perfect balance between how good it is and how expensive it is. You always want the taste to outweigh the price, and Woodford certainly achieves that.

 

5. Bulleit Rye (or Bulleit Bourbon) $33.00

bulleitPerfect For: Your mixologist buddy, anyone who wears a skinny tie, in-laws, or to bring to a party (if you’re a fucking baller)

Buleit Rye is a go to for me. I use it for almost everything: mixing, sipping, and just gulping down like it’s water. I love the stuff. So personal biases aside, it’s a good middle of the pack rye. And the bourbon is great too. See our reviews on the Rye and on the Bourbon .

 

 

SOMEONE GIVE ME DIRECTIONS TO THIS LIQUOR STORE

thZTyFx

 

Someone sent this to us on Twitter and the disappeared. Like from a fucking movie. Just dropping the biggest piece of evidence in a case and disappearing into the night. Where is this? I need turn by turn directions right now. And what’s with the “with card” thing? If this is a liquor store with a membership card, then I’ve completely been duped. That has been my idea for years. I feel like Kramer when he smells the ocean perfume. I deserve recognition and I will fight to the death to get it, buuuuuut if I can get 40% booze instead, I’m probably just going to take that and run.

I Honestly Cannot Believe That This is This Year’s Least Wanted Christmas Gift

Screen Shot 2014-12-09 at 8.10.55 AMHard liquor is this year’s least desirable Christmas gift, according to a Consumer Reports pollreleased last week. But a Bottles assistant manager says she’s not sure the conclusion holds true in Charleston.

“I was like, ‘hmm, I guess they’re not in South Carolina’,” Sara Capparelli says of her initial reaction to the finding. “We’re selling out of gift sets.”

According to the poll, one of every four Americans would rather receive a candle, picture frame or socks than a bottle of booze. Wine fared slightly better in the study, with just six percent of respondents shunning it as the worst conceivable present.

The gulf between wine and liquor makes sense to Capparelli, who points out that most Cabernet drinkers could probably be coaxed into trying Merlot. But it’s significantly harder to persuade a whiskey drinker to sip vodka, no matter how nicely the bottle is wrapped. Additionally, Capparelli says, wine offers a better value for the gift giver.

“You don’t want to give someone a $5 bottle of value liquor,” she says, whereas many well-made wines are relatively inexpensive. Capparelli this weekend rang up $2000 worth of wines and gift bags for a customer.

But liquor remains popular with Christmas shoppers in Charleston. More than 100 gift givers this weekend attended a bottle-engraving that Capparelli called the most successful such event in the Mt. Pleasant store’s three-year history.

Via the Post and Courier

Hear that? That’s the sound of George Washington’s dick rolling over in his grave. What in the house of fucks is going on? Every American is saying that they flat out don’t want booze for Christmas. If that’s really true, we might as well pack it in and say the terrorists won because that’s the least American thing I’ve ever heard. Meanwhile I’m sitting here with my Christmas list:

1. whiskey

2. judgement free passes from my family

3. See #1

4. Tray of ice

The absolute most disturbing part of this study is that Americans would prefer SOCKS over booze. SOCKS?! If you’d rather have a pack of puma ankle-highs over booze you’re a pussy plain and simple. That’s choosing something that you will absolutely lose within a week over some good old fashioned fun juice. Socks are the gold standard for shit you don’t want to see when you start opening gifts on Christmas. Meanwhile if you unwrap a bottle of booze on Christmas morning, you’re instantly allowed to spike your coffee, no questions asked. This is going to haunt me for the rest of the day. I absolutely cannot believe this study. Let me repeat: What in the House of Fucks.