We Really Are Living In The Golden Age of Innovation

 

 
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You can take all your hoverboards, iPhones, iPads, and electric cars, and shove them directly up your ass. This is the greatest achievement mankind has accomplished. Sorry Tesla and Edison, you guys must be rolling in your graves looking at this shit. But hey, thanks for checking out the site.

Speaking of, I think electricity is the most overrated invention ever. Fucking light? Who didn’t look around in the dark and think “I wish I could fucking see.” Common sense.

Is This The Best Beer Tap Ever?

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Fucking love this. A lot of bars can make their bartenders wear suspenders, grow out moustaches, and say really douchey things about whiskey in order to give off a vibe of a “whiskey joint” but this place (wherever or whatever it is) says fuck that noise. This is how you do it. Let your beer taps speak for themselves. And boy have they spoken: every other bar on the face of the earth is a huge pussy.

So There’s a Brewery That’s Putting Cereal In Their Beer

SONY DSCIn Fort Collins, Colo., Black Bottle Brewery employees went into two stores and bought their entire inventory of Count Chocula cereal. The brewery says the cereal will go into a series of beers.

Copyright © 2014 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

STEVE INSKEEP, HOST:

Good morning. I’m Steve Inskeep. We’re preparing for reporting in Colorado, so naturally we’re tracking news from Fort Collins. That’s where the Black Bottle Brewery made a mysterious purchase. Employees went into two stores and bought their entire inventory of Count Chocula Cereal. At least one customer complained of the sudden shortage. The brewery says this cereal will go into a series of beers that have already been made with Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

 

This was transcribed from some weirdo morning show or something like that. Fucking what? That might be the grossest thing I could think of putting in my beer. Count fucking chocula? Even when I was a kid I looked at that and said “yeah no thanks.” And now that I’m a drinking fully grown person I’m supposed to want to drink it with my beer? Maybe that’s what this cereal company wanted all along? They don’t actually want you to eat it with milk but with booze? If that’s the case maybe I’m all about it. I don’t know. I think I just wrapped myself into a pretzel. I think I need this shit now?

Two Dudes in Texas Shoot Up a Party After Losing in Beer Pong

bpSOURCE – After getting vanquished in a beer pong match, a group of sore losers opened fire early yesterday at a Texas house party, wounding a female reveler, police report. According to the Liberty County Sherriff’s Office, investigators are searching for two men who allegedly shot up the party after losing at the beer pong table. Deputies identified the suspects as Decoris “Red” Rucker, 24, and Chris “Crazy Chris” Hackett. Rucker and Hackett were among a group of five men who became upset after losing a backyard beer pong game. The men, witnesses said, ran from the home while firing wildly at partygoers. An 18-year-old woman was shot in the thigh during the gunfire.

 

With the names of “Red” and “Crazy Chris” I’m assuming this isn’t the first time guns have been the answer upon losing at something. The way I see it, they probably lost to the poor 18 year old chick who must have kicked their asses pretty good. These guys had to be the biggest asshole sore losers on the face of the Earth, right? We’ve all played beirut/beer pong with these kinds of guys. Doesn’t matter how nice they are off the court, they just turn into the biggest d-bags in the heat of the game. Calling elbows, bouncing the ball, and ruining friendships over trivial rules because they fundamentally don’t understand the fact that beer pong is fun because everyone plays with different rules. Now, I’m also assuming these guys weren’t playing with home court advantage. Because if a house rule is Crazy Chris and Red Robin or whatever get to shoot you if they lose, the police can’t do anything. Beer pong house rules overrule almost everything. Now excuse me while I go revise my own house rules.

Laphroaig Launches Ad Campaign That Focuses on How “Awful” It Tastes

laphroaig whiskeyOne Scotch whiskey distillery is advertising its product by telling everyone how awful it tastes. 

In a campaign that seems to break all the rules of advertising, Laphroaig is slapping terrible descriptions on its single-malt scotch. It tastes like dead fish, iodine, a campfire and dirt. It smells like medicine. 

“A symphony of smoke,” reads one of Laphroaig’s ads. “Tastes like a burning hospital. Earth never tasted so good.” Those aren’t just idle words, either — the ads are based on actual quotes from Laphroaig drinkers. 

Laphroaig (pronounced “La-froyg”) is turning the traditional ad campaign on its head to target a special group of scotch fans: The ones who enjoy the earthy smokiness of a classic peated whiskey, or “whisky” as it is spelled in Scotland, from the island of Islay. The flavor develops in the whiskey-making process as damp barley is dried over the biting smoke of a peat fire. 

The tastes and aroma are nearly indescribable, but scotch drinkers try anyway. Slate likens it to clove, banana, butterscotch, burning tires, Sharpies, Band-Aids and synthetic insulin. And instead of shying away from the negatives, Laphroaig is embracing them. 

“Laphroaig has long been a brand that elicited diverse and strong opinions from those who taste it,” said John Campbell, the master distiller for the company. 

The brand has even launched a website that asks people to submit their own opinions of the drink. The “opinion wall” appears to be a hit, with a large volume of mostly favorable views. “It’s like meeting an old friend,” wrote one customer. “Like licking a newly tarred West Coast pier,” wrote another.

The unusual ad push also appears to be lifting Laphroaig’s sales. The distiller has seen a 17 percent sales spike for the first half of the year, MarketWatch reports. That’s much stronger growth than the 9.6 percent sales increase seen for the scotch category overall in 2013.

 

Wanna know the first thing I did when I read this article? I went out and bought a bottle of Laphroaig. Consider me a marketing monkey. This is fucking awesome. They basically took the idea of the comment box and made it work for a  successful ad campaign. This is why whiskey drinkers and distilleries are the best. We all know that in other people’s language, whiskey tastes like dog shit. Or a burning hospital. Or flaming dirt. But all those things to a whiskey drinker (besides the dog shit) sounds delicious. If the flavor is harsh, that can almost always be a good thing.

Now I want to see Apple or someone do this shit. Just start advertising the iPhone 6 as “the bendiest shit you’ve ever seen.” Or “Starbucks drinkers only,” or “lasts a whole 35 minutes on a full charge.” If anyone should do that it’s Apple because they have enough money to buy Obama if they wanted to. But here we are with whiskey companies setting the tone once again.

WATCH OUT EVERYBODY: Hardo Dad Coming in Hot

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Be right back, son, going to pick up some whiskey, see you in about 15 minutes! Ooooh dad, you sly devil. Say you’re going to the store and come back with half the fucking inventory of Ardbeg on your trailer. If this was your dad you immediately have a free pass to get shit faced all the time, right? Like if you ever get yelled at just fucking find the sobriety to lift up your arm and point to the driveway. Suck it dad, you bought like 30 BARRELS OF WHISKEY.

Science Says We Should Drink More Booze and Less Coffee

MONDAY, Oct. 20, 2014 (HealthDay News) — A man’s love of coffee could hamper the success of a couple’s infertility treatment, a small new study suggests.

But mild alcohol use by would-be fathers might help boost the odds of pregnancy through in vitro fertilization, the findings indicate.

The Boston researchers aren’t ready to encourage men enrolled in IVF to cut coffee consumption and have an extra beer with dinner. Still, these preliminary results were “definitely surprising,” said study co-author Dr. Jorge Chavarro, an assistant professor of nutrition and epidemiology at Harvard School of Public Health in Boston.

“We’d like to follow up and see if it replicates in other populations, such as other couples who are trying to conceive naturally,” he said.

The research is to be presented Monday at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine annual meeting in Honolulu.

Previous research into male fertility hasn’t found connections between alcohol or caffeine and scientific measurements of semen quality. But Chavarro said those measurements might not reflect other aspects of male fertility that are crucial to a man’s ability to impregnate a woman, he said.

Enter the new study, which looks beyond measurements of sperm quality to evaluate the effect of male beverage consumption on IVF birth rates.

The researchers focused on 105 men, average age 37, involved in 214 IVF treatments between 2007 and 2013. All answered questions about their diet before undergoing treatment.

Overall, more than half of the couples achieved a pregnancy in each IVF cycle, the researchers found. Couples in which the man consumed the most caffeine (equivalent to three or more 8-ounce cups of coffee a day) were half as likely to have a pregnancy as couples where the male consumed the least caffeine (less than a cup of coffee daily), the researchers said.

Ultimately, after adjusting their statistics for factors such as age or obesity, the researchers said live births were least likely — just 19 percent of the time — in the couples whose male partners consumed the most caffeine.

But the live pregnancy rate was 52 percent to 60 percent for couples where the men consumed the least caffeine, said study author Dr. Anatte Karmon, a research fellow of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Massachusetts General Hospital.

The numbers for alcohol consumption only bordered on statistical significance, Karmon said. While 28 percent of couples in which the men drank the least alcohol had live births, she said, live births occurred for 57 percent of couples where the man drank the most — 22 grams or more per day, which is less than the 28 grams found in two “standard” drinks or two 12-ounce beers.

Done. Done. Done. Now we’re fucking talking, science. Want me to get healthier? Want me to give a shit about my sperm count? Then find me every possible way to improve both of those things without me cutting down on booze, and you got yourself a deal.That’s the problem with most health sites and things like that: the common theme is to cut down on booze, which I’m just simply not going to do. If science came to me and said if I don’t have a sip of anything for the next three weeks, my dick would grow by 4 feet, I wouldn’t even think about it. No thanks.
PS- After googling for an image for this, I decided to skip doing a picture and clearing my history. End of story.

Canadian Health Organization Wants to Wage War on Booze

hero_molsoncanadianOTTAWA — The Harper government, which has waged a long and aggressive campaign against illicit drug use, should put more energy into the battle against alcohol abuse, according to the Canadian Centre for Substance Abuse.

The Health Canada-funded organization wants the federal government to include alcohol in its $570-million National Anti-Drug Strategy that was launched shortly after the Conservatives took power in 2006.

The Canadian Centre for Substance Abuse, which has already gone public to call on Ottawa to undertake a study on the public health implications of decriminalization or legalization of pot, argues that alcohol causes far more harm in Canada than drugs.

Alcohol causes more deaths than lung cancer and more hospital stays than all other substances combined, the organization argues in a brief submitted to the House of Commons finance committee that is seeking public input on Budget 2015.

It is also closely linked to spousal abuse and fatal motor vehicle crashes, and according to a 2002 study on crime, the cost of alcohol-related offences was $3.1 billion, versus $2.3 billion for drug offences.

“Renewed efforts to reduce the prevalence and harms of alcohol abuse could alleviate burdens on our enforcement, justice, health and social care systems,” the centre stated in its submission to the finance committee.

A B.C. criminologist urged Prime Minister Stephen Harper to follow the advice of the independent federal body that provides advice on substance abuse.

“The line that we have drawn between legal and illegal drugs has everything to do with history, politics and culture, and almost nothing to do with public health,” Neil Boyd, director of Simon Fraser University’s school of criminology.

“For most people and in most circumstances, alcohol is a drug that is much more destructive to health than cannabis.”

The federal government has allocated $570 million since 2007-08 for its multi-pronged strategy that involves numerous departments, from justice to Health Canada to foreign affairs.

Funded programs include those involved in gathering drug-related foreign financial intelligence, forensic accounting, tax compliance, border patrols, drug prosecution, drug treatment, and health promotion and education efforts especially involving youth.

The proposal doesn’t make a specific recommendation on how Ottawa would bring alcohol into the strategy, but suggests the federal government could join forces with the existing federal and provincial government departments, organizations and the alcohol industry that are already collaborating on ways to discourage excessive boozing.

“Given its overall emphasis on youth substance abuse prevention, the National Anti-Drug Strategy also provides a mechanism by which the Government of Canada can address alcohol abuse among the country’s young people, ensuring they have the best opportunity to enjoy positive economic, social and health outcomes in later life.”

A spokesman for Health Minister Rona Ambrose didn’t comment specifically on the proposal, saying the government will review all submissions before the budget is tabled in early 2015.

Via The Vancouver Sun

 

…really Canada? Am I being Punk’d? Is this the Onion? That fucking headline is the least Canadian thing that I’ve ever even thought aboot. Let me get this straight. Canadians want to go to war on drinking? Did I read that right? Listen Candada. You do two things pretty fucking well: you stay the fuck out of wars, and you drink. Now don’t go telling me you’re going to do a complete 180 (or whatever metric system shit they use up there) and start going to war on the very thing that makes you Canadian besides hockey. And hockey wouldn’t even be hockey if it wasn’t for booze, I’ve seen Slapshot. I fully believe this is one of those articles people put out just to fuck with people to see if anyone is actually paying attention, but if it’s true, then congratulations Canada, you’re officially completely nonexistent to me.

Spoiler Alert: Whiskey Elements Startup Sucks

99eb85ebd5c93932497b4203db2c1b44_largeSo we gave the whole Whiskey Elements thing a whirl. If you remembered our article that I just linked, this company is basically selling charred wooden sticks that you put into your whiskey, and it will mimic the aging process and infuse more flavor into your whiskey. We thought back when the news hit that it could be hugely innovative, especially when you consider using it with cheaper whiskies. Well we gave it a shot, and here’s how it went:

Unfortunately I’m digging deep to try to find something good to say about this product besides the idea itself.  Simply put, there’s almost no execution of whatever benefits it promises to give. Granted, we only tried the wooden sticks, we didn’t buy the full package that comes with a decanter, but nonetheless, we tried it with two different whiskies. The first was Old Grandad, and the other was Maker’s Mark. Figured it’d be good to try this thing out on a cheap whiskey and a middle of the road whiskey to see what difference it made.

We did a blind taste test after letting the whiskey sit for the instructed amount of time, and across the board we picked the untouched whiskey. Unfortunately all we tasted with the Whiskey Elements whiskey was a grainy, weird flavor. We weren’t expecting Old Grandad to turn into Bulleit in 24 hours, but we also weren’t expecting it to taste like a forest. I’d say the Old Grandad test was almost a wash, the Whiskey Elements definitely didn’t make it taste any better, but it didn’t taste that much worse, just different. Maker’s Mark, on the other hand, tasted significantly worse after letting it sit for the 24 hours. So if you’re trying to elevate an $11 bottle into an $11.45 bottle, Whiskey Elements could be what you need, but for any middle of the road to high end whiskey, these wooden sticks can only make things worse.

Look at This Little Buckled In Guy

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Really not much to report besides the fact that there’s a 100% chance this dude left his kid unbuckled and took care of the important things. Happy weekend everyone