Friend of the Year Helps His Buddy Drink Whiskey While Making Burger Patties

 

See now this is the difference that you eventually come to after graduating college. In college, you’d be funneling a beer while opening a box of pizza. In the real world when you can afford things like a grill, whiskey, and a sweet Dave Matthews coozie in the back there, you need best friends like this guy to help you still get drunk while your hands are occupied. Because no one deserves to be treated better than the obligatory Grill Master. Dude is providing all the food for you, so it’s on you as his buddies to make sure he has a good time, and that means you have to get him drunk at all costs. Well done, adults.

Global Alcohol Consumption is Down, The World As We Know It Sucks

 

As a man of the people I’m going to spare you the details here and just let you see the downward trends on that chart above in terms of global alcohol consumption. Needless to say this is an awful, awful way to start a Monday and makes me fear for the world that we live in. This is a direct correlation to the fact that we live in a society that you just simply are not allowed to say anything not politically correct now. There’s no sense of privacy anywhere. Granted, if you say stupid shit on the internet that’s one thing, everyone who gets in trouble for tweeting racist, hateful, or anything like that is completely up for grabs and they’re all morons. But we can’t even say ignorant things in our own houses anymore (see Donald Sterling, Hulk Hogan). Sure what they said was wrong, but the fact that it was illegally taped and put on the internet is wrong too, it’s just that no one is focusing on that. So taking all of this into account leads to the fact that everyone is drinking less. Drinking, even when you’re doing it in the privacy of your own home, leads you to say and maybe even do unruly things. And we just discussed how there’s no privacy anywhere. So instead of fighting for privacy or fighting for the freedom of speech, everyone is just shutting up and not drinking. It’s horrible. We need to revolt as drunks. We need to step up to the plate and tell the world we aren’t going to take it anymore. But don’t do it on Twitter, don’t even do it in your friend groups. Just take it to the streets, live your life as you normally do, be as degenerative as possible, and when people give you shit for it, just do NOT apologize. Because the apologies are half the problem. And we are the solution.

A Thursday With Whiskey on the House

So last night was pretty rough. One of those times when you know you’re going to one of your favorite bars, but you don’t know exactly to what extent you’ll be drinking. Could go either way: just a couple beers while you watch the Sox get trucked again, or it could very well spiral into anger drinking about said Red Sox, or maybe it’s a whiskey night and things get serious. Well, my friends, last night was a whiskey night. Started around 3 PM sipping from the good ol’ flask, finally got to the bar, and kept it going from there. To be completely honest next thing I know I’m waking up outside of my own house, with my wallet and phone just completely gone.

After doing a little research, I saw I had 4 Uber receipts from last night. I went back and traced my steps, driving to where Uber said I was and back. I was able to get my wallet back from the bar, but no one knew where my phone was. I was going insane. Couldn’t deal with it. Driving around, getting out of my car, having weird relapses to last night of things I sort of remember- like I remember I went outside and sat under a tree for some reason and there was this toy minion there. Well I found that fucking minion and now it’s just taunting me about losing my phone. I had all but given up when my night in shining armor came through with an email:

 

 

 

Hey David, I have your phone with me. Last night I drove back to your place to see if you will be outside so I could give it to you. The last rider I picked up last night found the phone and gave it to me. 

The phone is dead and couldn’t receive any incoming call, please call me on my regular phone with the number ########## so we can an arrangement about meeting and drop off.

 

What a fucking guy. Best Uber driver of all time. I hope he takes over that god damn company. Probably has to deal with drunks like me losing shit all the time and he’s cool enough to make sure I know that he knows that he has my phone. There are good people in this world after all. I will update you all tonight on if that fucking minion attacked me or not. What a Friday Eve it was.

Want To Have a Terrible Weekend and a Terrible Month? Give Up Booze!

 

 

So you already broke your New Year’s resolution to cut back on the booze. Who can blame you?

Between all the invites you were turning down, that lonely beer calling you from the fridge and no apparent health effects other than driving yourself crazy, throwing in the towel was inevitable.

Before you pick up another six pack, there’s something you should know. A group of Londoners saw some major health benefits from a “dry January” that just might be significant enough to inspire you to hit the reset button.

In late 2013, 14 healthy staffers at the U.K-based New Scientist magazine whose “normal” drinking routines ranged from eight to 64 12-ounce bottles of beer per week conducted an experiment to see if a short-term break from alcohol would result in any measurable health benefits. Ten people gave up alcohol for five weeks. Another four did not alter their drinking habits. The result: the temporary tea-totalers had something to cheer about, significantly lowering their risk of liver damage and diabetes in just one month.

After comparing the participant’s pre- and post-experiment blood tests, doctors at the Institute for Liver and Digestive Health at University College London discovered that among those who gave up drinking, liver fat–a strong predictor of liver damage–fell between an astonishing 15 to 20 percent. The abstainers’ blood glucose levels–a key factor in diabetes–also dropped by an average of 16 percent.

The takeaway for the rest of us: since excessive fat in the liver is caused by obesity and excessive alcohol consumption, it’s a simple fact that less booze means fewer calories and fat cells that can cause inflammation and lead to liver disease, even in the short term. We’ll drink a rootbeer to that.

Via Eat This

Lame. That’s it. Just lame. These health nerds just throwing around crazy ideas like giving up BOOZE FOR A MONTH is really just dangerous to society. We’re on the verge as a society as is, with shootings every week. Drinking is one of the few things that brings us all together. And now these health nerds want to take it away from us so we can all be “healthy.” What a load. I’m half way to trying to get a citizen’s arrest out on these people. Of course not drinking for a couple days is healthy for you, but you only do it if you’re gearing up for a big weekend (of drinking). Oh their glucose levels went down? Their heart rates were a little bit more stable? That is wonderful, really. That’s what treadmills are for. So I can drink like a degenerate and just run in the mornings and I’ll be fine. And the sign off line about the root beer? Give me a break.

Drunken Whiskey Review: The Glenrothes Select Reserve Scotch Whisky

Intro

The Glenrothes Select Reserve comes from the Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky Distillery. Holy hell my fingers already hurt from typing up that bonkers-long name. From the Glenrothes themselves, they traditionally bottle single malts from specific vintages, and this particular bottle of whiskey has no age statement. So needless to say the Scottish’s jimmies were instantly rustled because they didn’t put an age on the bottle. Funny stuff. Anyway, this is sort of billed as a drinkable scotch, something you can sip easily and have on hand all the time.

 

How to Drink It

It’s Scotch, so we know you’re either going to be drinking it full strempf or on the rocks. And to be honest I’m going to have to endorse on the rocks with this one here. Maybe it’s because we’re reviewing this in the dead heat of summer, but it just tasted way better. The water brought out some better flavors, and to be honest,  this Glenrothes Select Reserve didn’t taste all that drinkeable full strempf. Just left a strange aftertaste in your mouth. All of that went away when you add in the ‘cube life to the mix.

Flavors

Very interesting flavors going on here for a Scotch whisky. It starts off with the usual suspects: smokey, toasted wheat. But there’s actually a decent amount of fruit aroma/taste that you get. Almost like if you took that lady who makes the bananas:

and roasted her over an open fire, and then aged whiskey inside her hat. Sure you get some weird strawberry/mango flavors from time to time, but you know that that smug asshole died to make it so it’s all good.

Editor’s Note: spot on analogy.

So yes, we’re actually fans of Glenrothes Select Reserve. Does it provide exactly what you’d expect from a single malt Scotch? Hell no. But everyone always needs a wild card in their group, and there are quite simply not enough of them in the scotch world. So we’re all in. Kind of wish we could see more in terms of flavor profile and depth, but it is a solid whiskey to have in your arsenal.

 

 Wrap Up

Overall, Glenrothes Select Reserve is a very good whiskey. There is a little bit to be desired with flavor which is why we took off some points, but we also added points because I fucking hate that banana lady and I always have, and Glenrothes Select Reserve figured out a way to kill her for good. Rest in pieces, you fruit bitch.

Girls Can Officially Smuggle Booze Into Any Event

 

This. Is. Awesome. I’m so unbelievably jealous of chicks when it comes to being able to smuggle things into sporting events/concerts/ whatever. First of all, you ladies have purses. You can legit put anything you want underneath (or inside if you’re a thinker) of your tampon box and no dude searching you will ever go near that. Guys see tampons and immediately shut down all brain activity because your periods are gross. And now on top of it you’re telling me you can shape your hair to hide a full bottle? Fuck I’m jealous. I put a full bottle in my pocket and suddenly the cops show up.

 

 

Can’t Beat This Logic, Especially on Friday Eve

 

No clue if these are facts or not but that is so incredibly far from the point. Life is precious. There are volcanoes everywhere. People dying left and right. We never know when it could end. A huge ass earthquake could happen at any moment. Do you want to be naked in your room clutching your bag of Cheetos for dear life, or do you want to be half drunk thinking you’re on a new roller coaster that found its way into your home?

 

These are facts.

 

Root Beer Is The Next Big Trend In Craft Beer

 

 

A few weeks ago, while out enjoying a few cocktails with my college friend Melissa, her last drink of the night ended up being the most memorable.

“Oh my god, this is so good!” she yelled at a packed bar in the Center City section of Philadelphia. I had a sip (it was delicious) and basically it tasted like root beer, but with a hint of alcohol. We ended up talking about the beer for 10 minutes. We even got the bartender in on the discussion. It was by far our favorite drink of the evening – even more enjoyable than my reliable drink of choice: ginger ale with whiskey.

This moment was unique for a few reasons. I’ve been enjoying cocktails with Melissa for 15 years now, and over that period of time, we’ve had hundreds of drinks together. This is the first time I recall such an elaborate and ecstatic discussion about what we were drinking.

It is the “eureka” moment that beer and spirits producers try to replicate at industry parties, in advertising and on massive billboards when promoting their brands. Ads often feature a group of friends holding the latest new drink or established brand. The hope is that in real life, they’ll spend time talking about it too. That rarely happens. People just want a drink to be tasty.

For Melissa and I, the discussion ended up centering on the fastest-selling new beverage in the craft beer category this year: Not Your Father’s Root Beer, which is made by Illinois-based Small Town Brewery.

It turns out the beer is a hit. Sales for the brand totaled $7.2 million from the beginning of the year through June 14, according to Beer Marketer’s Insights. That is good enough to rank it among the top 30 craft beer brands. While it is a new, mega hit, Not Your Father’s Root Beer is far smaller than market leader Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, which notched almost $59 million in sales over the same period.

Still, that top 30 list rarely sees new entrants, so Not Your Father’s Root Beer is shaking up the industry in a notable way. It is even exceeding the sales of new offerings from larger rivals including Sam Adams, New Belgium and Sierra Nevada.

“Something is indeed going on,” said Chris Shepard, an assistant editor at Beer Marketer’s Insights. He said the beer is selling well and the industry is still trying to piece together just how sustainable this hit will be.

It helps that Small Town Brewery got a lift from a distribution agreement with Pabst Brewing, which last month announced it was taking the beverage national. It began selling the beer in March 2015 and the beverage is now in 38 states, though some retailers are reportedly having trouble keeping it in stock. Pabst said none of the retailers or distributors can keep it in stock. Of course, they are thrilled with the beer’s early success.

“Our distributors are saying this could be the beer of the summer – the beer of the year,” said Rich Pascucci, vice president of business development at Pabst. He says there is a lot of white space for the beer to expand, because it is so different in both taste and the production process utilized by Small Town Brewery.

The success is already leading to copycats. Coney Island Brewing, backed by Sam Adams maker Boston Beer SAM -0.01% , already has come up with a replicant brand. And beer observers say the popularity of a root beer beer may lead to more alcoholic-type soda drinks.

“A lot of people are asking the question: How long will this last?” said Shepard. “Is this a summer thing, is this a new category of hard sodas – those questions are still being asked. It is an important question: Is this just a fad?”

My first taste of the beer was in early July, so last night, I decided to buy a six pack. At my local Fairway FWM 0.35% , it wasn’t initially on the shelves and I was convinced it was sold out. But after asking an associate for help, he said “Oh, we just got a new order in” and proceeded to roll out a few dozen six packs. The Upper East Side Fairway is fully stocked.

Last night, I realized the limitations that Not Your Father’s Root Beer will likely confront. Sure, it is delicious. But would I want more than one in any sitting? Probably not. When Melissa and I had it earlier this month, we also agreed her boyfriend probably wouldn’t go for it. So while the beer is refreshing, it might be a tough sell to the stuffy craft beer connoisseur. And will it stay popular beyond the summer months? That’s hard to say, too.

But for now, Not Your Father’s Root Beer is having its moment. It was the first six-pack I bought for my own personal use in my home in well over a year. And if it can convince others to do the same, Small Town Brewery has a hit on its hands.

Via Fortune

 

Interesting article here. I think that last paragraph takes all the air out of the root beer beer balloon. And it should because root beer beer is fucking stupid. The whole idea of drinking beer is to be able to drink at least a couple in one sitting. That’s why IPAs are great, but drinkeable IPAs are the real deal. Anyone can make a drink that tastes good after 1 and then you wouldn’t even consider going for a second. That’s the same as making an awful drink, like Red Bull for example. You can stomach one to get the job done, but anyone who drinks two in a row is a certified lunatic. So good for you, root beer beer, you impressed the hipsters in New York. Way to be.

Check Out This Genius Wine Cellar

Genius. Who the hell wants to go all the way downstairs to get their wine? Morons thats who. And you know all of his asshole nerd friends that come over try to catch him on “yeah but if you have it in your basement it’s more temperature controlled and keeps your wine at the optimal humidity.” Fuck that noise. Keep your booze close.