Drunken Whiskey Review: Woodstock Hot Licks Bourbon and Cinnamon Liqueur



It takes a man to admit he was wrong. I spent a large chuck of my life believing that any type of cinnamon “whiskey” was the drink of college girls and men with hairless balls.

Woodstock Hot Licks Bourbon slapped me in the face with the dick of truth, and showed me that not all cinnamon whiskies are created equal.

How to Drink it

“I take motherfucking shots of this stuff every morning, noon, afternoon, tea time, evening, night – fuck I even take shots of this shit when I’m asleep. It gives me wet dreams. Its the fucking best fucking shit I’ve ever fucking had the opportunity to take fucking shots of. Fuck.” – Edgar Allan Poe.

 When I first read that quote from my dear friend Mr. Poe, I thought to myself “I need to get that tattooed on my balls”. So I did. Unfortunately, I ran out of sack halfway through the quote. Some might consider this a short sighted disaster, but I don’t. You see, as I grow older, my balls will hang lower. Every year or two I’ll have a little more sack to continue the quote. Mr. Poe may have passed, but he will continue to speak to me for years to come. My scrotum will act as a medium to connect me to the afterlife.
The moral of the story kids, is that this is the best whiskey for taking shots.


You pour 1.5 ounces into your cheetah print shot glass that reads “sassy bitch”. As you raise the glass to closer to your face the strong cinnamon smell creeps up your nose and the erection is instant. As you close your eyes you breathe in, and toss the shot down your throat. The sweet and spicy taste is orgasmic. The cinnamon taste so real that you can almost taste the powdering of real cinnamon on your tongue; A phantom sensation you just can’t shake. But the honeymoon is over; You breathe out and wait for the kick…but it never comes. You open your eyes, surprised and pleased; Pouring yourself another, you remember why you’re so intoxicated this early in the night.

Wrap Up

What in the house of fucks.

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 3.54.56 PM   $11.00

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5 Whiskies That Won’t Burn Your Wallet or Your Tastebuds

Are you poor as shit and need to get drunk? Willing to sell yourself outside a packie to get a decent whiskey? Well I got good news for you my friends! Put your whoring outfit away because I did you a solid and put together a list of five whiskies that wonʼt burn your tastebuds or your wallet.

Benchmark 8 Bourbon – $11

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I gotta say this one on my favorites. This stuff is way too good to be this cheap. Itʼs made in the same distillery as buffalo trace, and its top notch stuff. They use a lot more rye than most bourbons so it has a lot more spiciness and flavor. If youʼre gona get one whiskey on this list Iʼd go with this bad boy.

Evan Williams Bourbon – $15

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 9.10.10 AMThis stuff tastes very similar to Jack Daniels, but itʼs half the price and tastes better. Itʼs got a smoother and more smokey flavor. If you like Jack and Cokes you have to try and Evan and Coke. The smokey flavor goes great and mixed drinks, and it also tastes great on the rocks

Canadian Mist – $10

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I feel a little weird putting a canadian whiskey on this list but I canʼt deny its value. This stuff is smooth and simple. It gets the job done, and its easy to put down. You can rip shots of this stuff all night and never feel the burn.

Old Grand Dad – $15

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This stuff is awesome. This is a high-rye bourbon like benchmark -so its loaded with spiciness and flavor. Old Grand Dad is made by Jim Beam, but it tastes better and costs less than good ol white label beam.

Old Crow- $9

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It doesnʼt get much cheaper than this. At nine bucks the crow is an absolute steal. This stuff has a sweet smell and taste. Itʼs smooth with just the right amount of burn. The sweet flavor of this whiskey makes it great in cocktails and on ice. Old Crow has some history too – Mark Twain, and Ulysses S Grant used to drink this stuff.

Some Psycho Built A Robot To Drink With and Its Creepy As Hell


Robots freak me out plan and simple, there is honestly no need for robots, our parents, grandparents and so forth lived and survived without the help of robots and we should do the same. You’ve all seen the movies where everything is going well, robots make everyones life easier and all of a sudden they go berserk and kill everyone in their sights, why risk this? So we don’t need to do housework? So we don’t need to do certain jobs? And now so we don’t drink alone? That just seems insane to me that someone decided that drinking alone was so sad that it would be better for a robot to “drink” with you. Now the best part of drinking with someone is to chill with them, you don’t drink with someone to watch them drink when you do, you drink with someone to have a good time, maybe play some Chel, Halo, card games or whatever floats your boat. Now this robot just stores the alcohol in what looks like a mason jar, lights its cheeks up and giver you a thumbs up. How is that not creepy to anyone else? This dude built a robot to drink with because he didn’t have a friend or a girlfriend to drink with. If you think this makes drinking with it seem less lonely and you enjoy this than you are delusional and will be the reason us reasonable people become prey to the robots.

Drunken Whiskey Review: Irish Mist Irish Whiskey

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Nothing like good ol’ irish whiskey to get you in the mood for drinking. The Irish Mist brand is pretty famous as its first product (Irish Mist Honey Whiskey) is based on a recipe from ireland that was popular in the 1500’s and 1600’s until the damn brits invaded ireland and the recipe was lost. Desmond Williams found the old recipe in a manuscript and started producing irish mist honey. Irish Mist realized that only little bitches drank Honey Whiskey and they wanted to come out with a manly whiskey for those of us with testicles. Thus Irish Mist Triple Distilled Irish blended Whiskey was born.

How to Drink It

Like most irish whiskies, Irish Mist is smooth and easy to drink. Shots go down fine, and drinking it on the rocks or full stempf is best. Generally I don’t like to use irish whiskies often for mixed drinks, as they are too smooth and their flavor can easily get lost; However Irish Mist is one of them with a little bit more flavor and bite (in a good way) and can go decent in some mixed drinks.


Irish Whiskies are lighter of flavor and bite, which makes them easier to drink, but the lack of character can sometimes be unsatisfying. Irish Mist has more flavor and bite than most Irish Whiskies out there. I’d say its more similar to a Jameson or Michael Collins. One of the better tasting Irish Whiskies I’ve had.

Wrap Up

Irish Mist is a great choice if you’re in the mood for Irish Whiskey. Its about the price of Jameson, and is in the same ballpark in terms of quality. After knowing the history of Irish Mist, its very difficult not to curse the British. So go find some Irish Mist, pour yourself a glass, and start posting nasty things about the British on social media.

shots    $25/ 750 mL

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Drunken Whiskey Review: Drumguish Scotch Whisky


It’s about time we fire up the old Drunken Whiskey Review machine with another bargain scotch called Drumguish Scotch Whisky. You’ve definitely seen it on the bottom or second to bottom shelf of the packie, hanging out next to some of the weirder scotches that are sold for anywhere from $20- $40. Let me just say this, the 20-40 dollar range of scotch is a wild, wild fucking world. You have zero idea what you’re going to get. Some of them are awesome, and some are absolute garbage. Much more of a wide range than the other kinds of whiskies, too. With rye or bourbon, 20-40 dollars is guarenteed to get you a good whiskey. But with Scotch it could go either way. So which way does Drumguish Scotch fall on? Let’s find out.

How to Drink It

First of all, I have no damn idea how to actually pronounce this whiskey. I’m calling it “Drumbush” because I think that’s hilarious and I also kind of think it’s actually correct. We tried this whiskey full strempf, on the rocks, and in a shot (no mixed drinks for Scotch, that’s for the birds). The absolute best way to drink Drumguish is on the rocks, and it’s not even really that close. In fact, you should drink this whiskey along with a couple ice cold beers, because it really is the perfect companion. It’s like a pallete cleanser, just like that ginger shit you get with sushi. Those Asians definitely had it right with that shit. Have a couple beers, drink some Drum bush in between, and you’re golden.



This is going to sound completely out of left field, but this whiskey actually kind of tastes like cereal. And not Lucky Charms or any good cereal, but it almost reminds me of unfrosted mini-wheats. Or Wheeties. Is there any difference between those cereals, by the way? What even are Wheeties? Do they actually give you athletic ability like I’m assuming they do? Anyway, this Scotch tastes exactly like those cereals, except it doesn’t suck. It’s not that great, but it doesn’t suck. And when you’re alone in a supermarket, completely overwhelmed, what do you do? You reach for a box of Wheeties because there’s an off chance that you become a super athlete or a super hero or something. So next time you’re in the packie and you’re either completely overwhelmed or completely wasted, just try this stuff and see what happens. You definitely won’t regret it, but you probably won’t be winning any gold medals, either.

Wrap Up

So Drumguish Scotch Whisky is definitely worthy of a try. I wouldn’t go ordering it in any bars anytime soon, and to be honest I probably won’t be buying it again anytime soon, but I definitely will keep it in mind. Like I said it’s a great whiskey for sipping in between beers when you’re trying to get drunk fast, but other than that it’s really nothing to write home about. So go ahead, give it a try, or don’t. I quite literally could not care less.



I Think Johnny Football Might Be a Genius


Take THAT, Cleveland. Listen the fact that the Browns and America in general has ever gotten on Johnny Football for being a human being is fucking unbelievable to me. Do they know that their team is in Cleveland? CLEVELAND! As in you NEED to be drunk just to stave off the whole suicide vibe of that entire city. He’s just trying to play out his contract, and the way for him or anyone else to survive in Cleveland is to be completely altered at all times. Sure, if he’s getting hammered on road games that’s one thing (depending on where- if you’re getting drunk before playing the Patriots that’s acceptable because it’s depressing knowing there’s zero percent chance you’re even going to be in the game), but at home? It’s Cleveland!

French Guy Dies After Taking 56 Shots of Booze

ebeae69698d8c3176c89188a97aaf911c08e01c05009843ace5d214c640ab5caThe victim, aged 57, had been out with friends at a bar in the centre of Clermont-Ferrand where he took part in a drinking competition where participants competed to see who could down the most shots.

The man was a clear winner after he took a total of 56 shots of vodka, rum and whisky in succession. But his victory came at a price.

As he headed home at around 2am with friends, he fell into a alcohol coma. He was taken to hospital but died the next day.

“Getting dead drunk used to be seen as degrading, now it’s seen as a positive thing,” Laurent Gerbaud, professor of public health at the Clermont Ferrand university hospital told France Info radio. “We are seeing a new type of competition emerge.”

Police are now investigating what responsibility the bartender has in the man’s death.

“The simple act of serving alcohol to a drunk person is an offence,” local prosecutor Laure Lehugeur told France Info. “After that you can take them to court for manslaughter, which today remains to be seen as the investigation is not over.”

The incident comes after France announced plans to combat binge drinking among young people earlier this month.

If the bill is passes, people who encourage minors to drink excessively could face a year behind bars and a €15,000 fine. And anyone who incites others to “drink until drunk” could face up to six months in prison as well as a fine into the thousands.


Dear God. Well this is a drinking competition just like you see in the movies. But I never thought it would have actually happened in real life in France of all places. They seem more like a “eat snails until you forfeit a war” type of people, but I digress. 56 fucking shots? Dude is an absolute legend of the game. What’s this lady saying with “the simple act of serving alcohol to a drunk person is an offence?” What? Yeah sure, serving shot number 13-56 is pretty fucking offensive, but if I’m already drunk and I’m asking for one more, believe me, I will not be offended if you pour it for me. That’s classic backwards French thinking right there. Anyway, there needs to be a shrine for this guy and we needed it yesterday. End of story.

Happy Holidays: Two Dudes in Texas Shoot Up a Party After Losing in Beer Pong

bpSOURCE – After getting vanquished in a beer pong match, a group of sore losers opened fire early yesterday at a Texas house party, wounding a female reveler, police report. According to the Liberty County Sherriff’s Office, investigators are searching for two men who allegedly shot up the party after losing at the beer pong table. Deputies identified the suspects as Decoris “Red” Rucker, 24, and Chris “Crazy Chris” Hackett. Rucker and Hackett were among a group of five men who became upset after losing a backyard beer pong game. The men, witnesses said, ran from the home while firing wildly at partygoers. An 18-year-old woman was shot in the thigh during the gunfire.


With the names of “Red” and “Crazy Chris” I’m assuming this isn’t the first time guns have been the answer upon losing at something. The way I see it, they probably lost to the poor 18 year old chick who must have kicked their asses pretty good. These guys had to be the biggest asshole sore losers on the face of the Earth, right? We’ve all played beirut/beer pong with these kinds of guys. Doesn’t matter how nice they are off the court, they just turn into the biggest d-bags in the heat of the game. Calling elbows, bouncing the ball, and ruining friendships over trivial rules because they fundamentally don’t understand the fact that beer pong is fun because everyone plays with different rules. Now, I’m also assuming these guys weren’t playing with home court advantage. Because if a house rule is Crazy Chris and Red Robin or whatever get to shoot you if they lose, the police can’t do anything. Beer pong house rules overrule almost everything. Now excuse me while I go revise my own house rules.

Have Thanksgiving Leftovers? Turn Them Into Booze!

Listen, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Today kind of sucks. You’re a little bit fatter today from all the food you’ve eaten over the last week, you’re a little bit dumber today due to all the booze you drank last week, and to make matters worse, you just have more and more stuffing to go home to, making you fatter and dumber all the way up until Christmas, and then you do it all over again.

But what’s the best way to solve that problem? Go to the gym? Cut down on calories? Nope. Those are probably the worst things you could be thinking of doing at the moment. The real answer here is to take those Thanksgiving leftovers, turn them in to booze, and then drink them. Because everyone knows that your body handles liquid way better than solids, so you’ll just piss out the calories and call it a day. Here’s how to do it:


Cranberry Sauce Cosmo

Cranberry sauce kind of sucks if we’re being honest. It doesn’t really belong on the Thanksgiving dinner table, but it does come in the clutch when you’re making your famous Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. But other than that it’s completely useless. Here’s how to make something not as useless, but still kind of useless (it’s a cosmo):


1 ounce vodka

2 1/2 ounces cranberry granita

1/2 ounce freshly squeezed lime juice


1. Heat up your leftover cranberry sauce on the stove for about 5 or 10 minutes and add in some water/sugar until it basically is cranberry syrup. Then throw that shit in the freezer and let it freeze.

2. Follow this recipe for the remainder of the ingredients.

3. Place all ingredients into a cocktail shaker and shake until granita melts. Pour into a martini glass and garnish with a twist of lemon. Consume liberally with leftover turkey.


Pumpkin Pie Milkshake

If you’re like me, you’re waking up today legitimately 10 pounds heavier. You just hate yourself. Reminds you of this:



And we all know that as human beings, when your body gets used to this much food intake, you have to just keep it going so you don’t die. So why not take that pumpkin pie and make it into a boozey shake?



1 slice pumpkin pie

1/2 cup milk (Use 2% if you want, but really, who are you kidding? Use whole milk.)

2 scoops vanilla ice cream

At least 1 billion shots Fireball whiskey or any whiskey


Throw all that shit into a blender and then drink it.




Your Monday Suck? Atleast You Didn’t Spend Your Weekend Here


Apparently this is from some place in Southern Mississippi. This is the problem that I have on Twitter. People send me these things with ZERO descriptions so I don’t know whether they know that I am going to post it, but I am also 100% going to make fun of it as well. That said, what the FUCK is this place? Between the mom with surprisingly huge knockers with her Addidas’ on who looks like she just came from an exciting spin class to the lady on the pole who I’m pretty sure is wearing ballet shoes to the Dad who’s either dancing or has a stub for an arm, this is quite the group in quite the bar. Nothing says Southern Living like a shithole establishment such as this. Happy Monday.