Why Can’t We Put Alcohol Benefits on the Label?

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IF YOUR drinking companions are French, you toast each other with “À votre santé !” With Russians, it’s “Za zdorovje!” For Spanish-speakers, “Salud!” In Hebrew, “L’chaim!”
Perhaps it’s just a coincidence that when drinkers almost anywhere clink glasses, they are apt to invoke good health or long life. More likely, it reflects a truth humankind discovered long ago: Drinking alcohol can be a source of not only short-term enjoyment, but of long-term health benefits too.
That may ring heretical at a time when headlines routinely sound alarms about the dangers of alcohol abuse. A search of the phrase “binge drinking” in Google News turns up nearly 7,000 recent articles. Many focus on the connection between drunkenness and campus sexual assault; others dwell on the serious consequences of drinking to excess, from alcohol poisoning to liver disease.

No question about it: Binge drinking is unsafe and unhealthy. But moderate drinking can be just what the doctor ordered.

A remarkable amount of research suggests that having one or two alcoholic drinks a day lowers most people’s risk of being stricken with heart disease, ischemic stroke, and even dementia. One major study published in 2010 by the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, for example, concluded that “in nine nationally representative samples of US adults, light and moderate alcohol consumption were inversely associated with CVD [cardiovascular disease] mortality, even when compared with lifetime abstainers.” Harvard’s School of Public Health notes on its nutrition website: “For most moderate drinkers, alcohol has overall health benefits.” In more than 100 long-term studies, many of which monitored their subjects’ health for 10 years or longer, researchers consistently documented a significant inverse association between moderate drinking and death from many forms of heart disease.

And not just heart disease. Numerous studies bear out the finding that moderate drinkers tend to live longer than both teetotalers and heavy drinkers. According to sociologist David Hanson of the State University of New York at Potsdam, even the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism — an organization plainly not inclined to downplay the potential dangers of liquor — has found that “the lowest death rate from all causes occurs at the level of one to two drinks each day.”

Federal law has required a health-warning label on alcoholic beverages since 1988. Yet even the government’s own dietary guidelines, regularly revised by the Department of Agriculture and the Department of Health and Human Services, acknowledge that adult beverages confer “beneficial effects when consumed in moderation.” Fewer heart attacks, better cholesterol levels, reduced hospitalization rates, less weight gain, lower risk of dementia and cognitive decline — all these life-saving or life-enhancing advantages, the data suggest, are likelier to be found among men and women who down a daily drink or two than among those who never drink at all.

 

In all seriousness though why can’t we do this? For specific liquors we can say exactly what the benefits are. Good for you, Boston Globe for raising this very serious issue. Now if only we can start getting more websites to post about this so people will actually read it, we can start getting some momentum on this vital issue.

Beer

Makes you feel full as shit so you don’t need to waste any time eating. Also will give you the ability to totally punch that wall, bro.

Whiskey

You can say that you drink whiskey. Boom.

Tequilla

Ever done legitimate Mexican bullfighting? Well now you have all the skills you’ll ever need, hombre.

Wine

Purple teeth are pretty sweet I guess? Plus if you like sniffing liquids in a douchey way, you’re golden.

 

See? Easy. If you’re going to argue that we need to put negative health labels on the booze, you might as well let us say what the different benefits are.

5 Whiskies That Are So American, They’d Make a Bald Eagle Cry

 

1. Old Overholt

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Nothing Screams America louder than a bottle of old school rye with George “sex machine” Washington on the label. So grab a bottle of this stuff and a musket and shoot some redcoats!

2. Jim Beam White Label

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Jim Beam is a what Americas all about. Capitalism allowed Jim Beam to mass produce the good stuff – So we can all drink this liquid gold on the cheap. Just remember, whenever you drink Jim Beam, you’re fighting communism.

3. Wild Turkey

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One shot of this stuff will put hair on your chest, beard on your face, red white and blue bandana on your head, and a gun in your hand. Kinda like this…

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4. Jefferson Reserve Bourbon

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How could a bourbon named after that hott guy on the $20 not make this list? This whiskey is delicious. Rumor has it that Thomas Jefferson dips his balls in every barrel of this stuff, so you know its the good stuff!

5. Jack Daniels

I think this just about sums up Jack

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High School Students Being Tested for Alcohol at Football Games

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Perrysburg High School students entering the football stadium on Friday for the Yellow Jackets varsity home opener will face random alcohol tests.

Students entering the admission gate at Steinecker Stadium, which is located at Perrysburg Junior High School, will be randomly chosen to draw a stick or object from a container. Most of those objects will be blank, but some will indicate the holder has to take a breath-analyzing test. Students have about a 1 in 5 chance of having to take the test.

Students coming to games intoxicated is a problem for all high schools, Principal Michael Short said. Perrysburg is no exception, he said, as officials there have caught students drunk at games before.

“I’m [responsible for] 700 kids in the stands [and] it is difficult to point out who is drunk,” he said. “It is hard to tell who is a screaming, crazy, silly teenager excited for football, and who is drunk.”

Elementary and junior high school students, as well as students from opposing high schools, will enter the stadium through a different gate with no testing. The district estimates about 500 Perrysburg High School students attend Friday night home games.

In 2009, a student drug-testing program was implemented by Perrysburg schools for athletes. Now, the district said, it is giving students attending games a reason to say ‘no’ to drinking. This comes on the heels of an anti-drug initiative, called Start Talking, that was started by Perrysburg Schools in January.

In March, Ottawa Hills parents Cindy and Brian Hoeflinger spoke about losing their son, Brian, at the age of 18 in a alcohol-related car accident.

“We strive to do all we can to keep children safe,” Perrysburg Superintendent of Schools Tom Hosler said in a statement. “Like with our drug-testing program, this random test is provided so that students have another reason to say ‘no’ to drinking alcohol.”

The district says it has administered these tests at school dances for the past few years and has never had anyone test positive. Mr. Short said the goal is not to catch students, but to give them the tools to say no.

School officials, as before, will also be watching for other signs of intoxication, even the students who are not tested. Mr. Short said that, if a student is slurring speech or having trouble walking, officials will look into it.

If the student is found to be drinking, is belligerent, or violent, the district will get proper enforcement to make sure there is no alcohol poisoning. If the student cooperates and is remorseful, the district will work with the students without involving the police.

The discipline would include a 10-day suspension, with five days pending meeting and cooperating with a school counselor.

The counselor would decide whether the student is at-risk, or if it may be a one time incident for which the student needs help saying “no” or with coping with personal problems.

 

If this isn’t the most unAmerican thing to happen to football ever than I don’t know what is.* If I was a high school student and heard they were going to start doing this, I’d have zero incentive to go to a game. That was the routine. Get drunk on Friday, go see our team win/lose, whatever. It didn’t matter. We paid for the tickets and some grub at the game, so you’re welcome school. This is just outrageous. My question is are they going to test the players? I know for a fact a ton of (especially) high school football players just play to fuck around and usually have a couple swigs before a game. Will they be tested too? Just opening a huge can of worms that didn’t need to be opened at all. Fuck this noise. America.

 

 

*JK everyone playing football getting arrested for some type of violent crime is pretty unamerican, but I digress.

Chipotle Can’t Figure Out How to Sell Booze

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Chipotle has been wildly successful over the past decade.

But alcohol sales at the chain remain sluggish, accounting for just 2% of sales, reports Bret Thorn at Nation’s Restaurant News

In comparison, alcohol makes for 8% of sales at Olive Garden and Red Lobster, and 10% at Longhorn Steakhouse, Darden Restaurants said in a recent report

Chipotle’s bottled beers and regular and Patron margaritas are seen as secondary to its burritos and tacos, according to Nation’s Restaurant News. Fast-casual workers aren’t trained to sell customers alcohol. As a result, adult beverages can be overlooked.

Because workers aren’t tipped, they have no incentive to encourage customers to spend more money, Thorn writes. This is in contrast to casual restaurants, where alcohol can pad checks and lead to a bigger tip. 

The fact that many restaurant workers are so young meant that the restaurants are “not operationally set up” for better alcohol sales, Thorn writes.

 

I mean it’s pretty obvious right off the bat why people wouldn’t want a beer at Chipotle. You’re stuffing your face with ridiculous amounts of meat, cheese, rice,and beans, and the last thing I want is a full, delicious, and filling beer. Maybe if they thought of alcohol the same way they thought about burritos: offer up a scorpion-bowl style mix of a shitload of different alcohols, and just serve it with some nachos and guac. Easy. That way the people who want take out can grab their grub and leave, and the degenerates such as myself can stay there and have a big booze-urito with some chips. I’m not saying I just solved Chipotle’s problem, but you’re welcome and I will bill you later.

Yet Another Booze Delivery App is Blowing Up

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Boston-based Drizly, the creator of an alcohol delivery service mobile app available in several cities, announced Wednesday the launch of a website that allows users to order on-demand alcohol delivery over the Web.

The website is meant to bring the “ease, speed and convenience of the apps to the desktop,” according to the company.

“Having the best customer service means offering the convenience of a multi-screen experience,” said Nick Rellas, co-founder and CEO of Drizly, in a statement. “By offering the Drizly experience through a Web browser, we are also making life easier for the hundreds of corporate customers that use Drizly for office parties and functions.”

The startup is offering free delivery of booze over the website through the end of September with the code DRIZLYWEB.

Drizly — dubbed the “Amazon.com for alcohol” — has $4.8 million in funding to date from investors across the country including Cambridge-based Suffolk Equity Partners and Chicago-based private equity firm Continental Investors.

Drizly is now available in six cities including Boston, Washington DC, New York, Denver, Chicago and Los Angeles.

To date, the mobile app’s downloads are “in the hundreds of thousands” and growing significantly by the month, Rellas said in a previous interview. While the company did not disclose whether it’s profitable, a spokesman for Drizly said it has “the strongest balance sheet in our industry with the capital to invest in new opportunities.”

Drizly is run by Rellas and co-founder Justin Robinson. The company employs 12 in Boston and 20 total, with plans to hire between 10 and 15 more employees within the next year. The company is also currently looking to lease about 3,000 square feet of space for a new headquarters in Boston. The move will occur sometime within the next six months, Rellas said.

 

Via BizJournals

 

 

Finally nerds everywhere are beginning to open their cheeto-encrusted eyes and see what the people really want: to be able to order booze and have it be on its way all while I’m still on the toilet. What a world we live in. This is the future people, and we all may never have to leave our houses/toilets again. I really wonder how these things work. Do they have you input your license number in the app or something ? Or is it the booze equivalent of the zit faced pizza delivery bro who doesn’t give a shit about anything? Like will some 15 year old be able to order and accept this stuff? Probably right?

5 Must-Haves For Smuggling Booze into the Game

So we’ve given you a solid list of must have items for getting day drunk about town, and now we want to focus that a little more with football season underway and hockey season coming down the pike. There’s one thing that can turn a regular season football or hockey game into the time of your goddamn life, and that’s your favorite booze. And for some reason, my booze has never tasted better than when it comes with the off chance of getting thrown out of a major venue.

 

1. iPhone Flask, $29.95

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Pure, unadulterated genius. Tim Cook could have just stood on stage at the iPhone 6 event yesterday and displayed this, and I’m pretty sure people would have just thrown their money on stage. The best part about this is it sets you apart from the worst human beings on the face of the Earth: the Facebook/Twitter checkers at sports events. Now all you have to do is check your booze and you’re good to go.

 

2.  The Wine Rack, $29.95

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This is why ladies have it so much better at sporting events. They can bring in a purse, which means they can inherently smuggle in alcohol by just putting a bunch of tampons over it or a douche or something so the security guy won’t want to move anything around when he looks at it. And now there’s this. You ladies can just load up your tits with booze and gulp it down all game, and no one will say dick about it. Brilliant.

 

3. Booze shorts $23.95

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This one is completely universal, and allows you to sneaky add any booze you want to your $35.00 Coke that you just bought at the concession stand. It holds over 20 Oz total, so it should last you all game depending on the kind of booze that you’re loading it up with.

4.  Pom Pom flask, $9.95

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The entire idea of this absolutely blows but it’s too goddamn funny to not put up here. Imagine a full cheer leading squad rocking dual pom pom flasks in hand and the Wine Rack on their tits. Diabolical.

5. The Bible Flask, $9.95

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If every other house in the south doesn’t have this laying around somewhere I’d be absolutely SHOCKED. The new southern holy trinity: college football, a Bible, and booze

Wait People Hate Pumpkin Beer?

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We the people like to complain about every damn thing in the world, and for some strange reason, we’ve settled on pumpkin beer as one of the things to complain about the most. The stuff sells outrageously well, and in so doing serves as a gateway beer guiding people out of the macro cooler, even if just for a couple months before they return to their repulsive Bud Light comfort zone.

This makes a lot of unbalanced people very angry.

I think pumpkin beer’s popularity is great. I’ve long maintained that Guinness is enormously important and probably underrated, because although hardcore beer geeks are tired of it, a single pint of Guinness on St. Patrick’s Day is the only good beer a lot of drinkers encounter all year. I think the same logic applies here. My wife drinks a lot of fancy beer these days, because that’s the one thing I’m good for around the house; if we’d never met, we’d both live much poorer lives, me because she pays for everything, and her because she might still be drinking Corona 11 months a year and Shipyard Pumpkinhead the 12th. That’s not as good as drinking the gourmet shit year-round, but it’s better than the endless bummer of an eternal Corona binge.

Pumpkin beer is good for beer culture, which is what makes it all the more baffling that my social-media feeds are crudded up earlier and earlier every year with people whining about seasonal creep regarding pumpkin beer. Some varieties start hitting the shelves in August these days, which means anyone looking to be the first to bitch about them needs to fire up his (probably his) Twitter indignation while the mid-summer bottle-rocket fumes are still in the air. It’s ridiculous, and one of the most pathetic examples of the way too many us (me included, I’m sure) feel the need to define ourselves based not on what we like and value, but instead on what we’re sick of, too cool for, or fake-outraged about.

 

 

First of all fuck you Deadspin for thinking that anyone gives a rat’s ass about your opinions on booze. This dude just tells us about how his wife loves Corona and that he’s a stay at home dad? That’s pretty much what I got out of his little 4th grade Language Arts assignment that he’s got going on here.

Second, who the fuck has that much of a problem with pumpkin beer? Not just the beer itself, but with other people liking it? What kind of asshole would slap the Oktoberfest or Shipyard out of your hand at a bar, scoffling at you for daring to enjoy the fall? Listen I completely understand if you don’t like the cinnamon, pumpkin, and spice flavors that come with pumpkin/fall beer. But why would anyone hate other people because of that? And what does that make me if I hate this Deadspin guy for hating that other people hate people for liking pumpkin beer? Holy hell. I need a beer.

The Bad Boy of Chattanooga is Back

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A former co-owner of the Chattanooga Whiskey Company has been arrested again, this time leading police on a chase through the Chattanoogan hotel.

Joe Ledbetter, 34, of Williams Street, resigned from the whiskey operation shortly after his initial  arrest in June for being drunk and disorderly and making threats against a city police officer.

Police said on Saturday at 3:48 a.m. they got a report of a black male and a white male knocking down signs at 12th and Broad, then walking into the hotel. Police spotted a white male wearing a plaid shirt in the lobby. An officer checked with dispatch and was advised the white male they were looking for was wearing a plaid shirt.

 

Police said the man was flailing his arms about and appeared to be intoxicated. 

He was ordered to stop, and he briefly halted and then faced police. Then he started running.

The chase went through the hallways and out of the hotel, then into an adjacent parking garage, then through a grassy ditch, then into the street beside the hotel. 

Other police units joined the pursuit, and the man, who identified himself as Joe Ledbetter, gave up.

He said he was out having a good time with friends and was drinking whiskey.

Asked why he ran, he said he was “just being stupid.” He said he did not want to get arrested again.

Ledbetter was charged with public intoxication, disorderly conduct and evading arrest, then taken to the County Jail.

In the June incident on a Sunday at 3:05 a.m., police said Ledbetter emerged from Hill City Pizza on Frazier Avenue.

An officer said he approached him and other officers while asking for assistance in getting a cab to take him home.

The officer said he immediately detected a very strong odor of alcohol from Ledbetter and noted that he had a very slurred speech.

He said Ledbetter was advised of several cabs that were on the street corner near him, but he “began to speak very loudly and insulting officers.”

The report says people nearby began to stop and watch what was going on, and that Ledbetter was told he was disturbing other citizens.

The officer said Ledbetter continued to cause a scene. He said he was arrested after he said he was going to walk to his home on Jefferson Street south of East Main Street.

At the jail, the officer said Ledbetter told him he would not forget him, and warned,  “I’m going to (expletive) you up.”

 

 

You know how people usually say that when shit like this starts happening to you more and more the more often you drink, you officially have a problem? Well I think in Joe’s case here, alcohol is like performance enhancing drugs. Every single story of a run in with the police with him is better than the last. Last time he was just trying to find a ride home, and now he’s leading the fucking cops through a SAW-style maze throughout a hotel. Except instead of finding that weirdo insane clown guy from the movie at the end of this maze, all the cops got was an earful of insults and threats. Seems like a better ending than the actual movies to me. You see Joe has clearly been reading our Whiskey MVP series, because he’s already making his bid to get pas the second round. Well done, Joe.

 

PS- do people in Chattanooga just accept that he’s going to be running around breaking shit and beating up cops every other weekend? Like “oh look honey, there goes Joe with his pants down beating up cops and taking names, yawn.”

 

Pigeon Man from Hey Arnold Gives a Wasted 14 Year Old an IV Instead of Calling 911

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A 37-year-old Idaho woman was determined not to stop a teen drinking party even after she thought a 14-year-old girl passed out due to alcohol poisoning.

Instead of calling for an ambulance, Jennifer A. Phippen administered an IV to the unconscious girl at a party last month, according to the Ada County Sheriff’s Office.

Phippen was charged with two counts of felony injury to child for neglecting the juvenile’s medical situation, and for providing the girl and other underage kids with alcohol for the Aug. 24 birthday party for a teenage boy, police said.

The Boise resident is now at an Ada County jail on $300,000 bail, police said.

Phippen was home during the party when the 14-year-old drank several shots of alcohol and lost consciousness, police said.

After being told the girl had vomited, she supplied the teen with between 400 and 500 ccs of fluid and then placed her in the shower, police said. She did not call for medical help or contact the girl’s family, police said.

The girl eventually regained consciousness enough later that morning and walked home the next morning, police said.

Police did not release an update on her condition.

Phippen faces up to 10 years in prison for the charges against her.

 

PIGEON MAN YOU DOG! Who would have thought that after being one of the strangest and most intriguing Hey Arnold cameo characters ever, Pigeon Man would end up this low. I mean you have to almost respect the action here. A lot of times people are so crippled with fear that they find themselves almost unable to physically pick up a phone, call 911, and explain clearly to the emergency person eaxctly what is going on. But Pigeon Man? He/she just sprung into action, hooking up a fuck load of fluid and stuffed her in the shower, probably saving her life. Tell me you don’t want to fucking party with Pigeon Man now. Not even a passed out 14 year old can stop her from having some good times.

German Guy Breaks World Record for Carrying The Most Beer Mugs at Once

When Oliver Strümpfel heads to the bar, you put your order in quick … because you know he’ll never topple your tipple.

The German waiter won’t even need help bringing the drinks back to the table since he learned to carry 27 pints in one go.

And yesterday he proved he’s one ale of a barman when he smashed the world record – and not a single glass – by carrying the 62kg stack for 40 metres.

He performed the incredible feat at the Gillemoos festival, in Abensberg, Bavaria, beating off competition from around the world. 

‘It is no longer enough to just carry the mugs, but you have to support the training by going to the gym, especially in Winter when you don’t get much time carrying the beer mugs,’ he said.

Strümpfel did come up against some stiff competition, in particular the efforts of fellow German Michael Sturm.

But Mr Sturm just couldn’t hold his drink so well, covering himself in beer in the process.
  

First of all, we need to immediately get this guy into the Whiskey MVP Race. He’s just an absolute hero and they should immediately put up a statue with him and all 27 pints in hand in the center of Germany. I’m lucky enough if I can carry a beer from my fridge to my couch once I’m a few deep, let a lone 27 fucking beers. Secondly, this is an opinion that has been brewing (HA!) in me for quite some time: why does Europe get to be so much more badass than us when it comes to booze? They drink more, they drink earlier in life, and they handle their booze waaaay fucking better than we do here across the pond. I don’t get it. We do everything else possible in a more badass fashion: we play real football, we wake up with Eagles on our right shoulders, we dominate the world at every sport, and we’re back to back world war champs. HOWEVER, fucking Europe can drink their faces off for a goddamn MONTH and everything is absolutely fine. Can you imagine if we did that here? Our goddamn Congress, who haven’t done dick in the last 15 years besides shut our own government down, would be acting at the drop of the hat to get some new legislature going to save our children from alcoholism or some bullshit like that.  Drinking and having a great time is apart of life over there in Europe, but over here, you must have some sort of addiction or problem in order to enjoy a good time or anything like that. There. Rant over. Send this one to the blog Hall of Fame.