Drunken Whiskey Review: Woodstock Hot Licks Bourbon and Cinnamon Liqueur



It takes a man to admit he was wrong. I spent a large chuck of my life believing that any type of cinnamon “whiskey” was the drink of college girls and men with hairless balls.

Woodstock Hot Licks Bourbon slapped me in the face with the dick of truth, and showed me that not all cinnamon whiskies are created equal.

How to Drink it

“I take motherfucking shots of this stuff every morning, noon, afternoon, tea time, evening, night – fuck I even take shots of this shit when I’m asleep. It gives me wet dreams. Its the fucking best fucking shit I’ve ever fucking had the opportunity to take fucking shots of. Fuck.” – Edgar Allan Poe.

 When I first read that quote from my dear friend Mr. Poe, I thought to myself “I need to get that tattooed on my balls”. So I did. Unfortunately, I ran out of sack halfway through the quote. Some might consider this a short sighted disaster, but I don’t. You see, as I grow older, my balls will hang lower. Every year or two I’ll have a little more sack to continue the quote. Mr. Poe may have passed, but he will continue to speak to me for years to come. My scrotum will act as a medium to connect me to the afterlife.
The moral of the story kids, is that this is the best whiskey for taking shots.


You pour 1.5 ounces into your cheetah print shot glass that reads “sassy bitch”. As you raise the glass to closer to your face the strong cinnamon smell creeps up your nose and the erection is instant. As you close your eyes you breathe in, and toss the shot down your throat. The sweet and spicy taste is orgasmic. The cinnamon taste so real that you can almost taste the powdering of real cinnamon on your tongue; A phantom sensation you just can’t shake. But the honeymoon is over; You breathe out and wait for the kick…but it never comes. You open your eyes, surprised and pleased; Pouring yourself another, you remember why you’re so intoxicated this early in the night.

Wrap Up

What in the house of fucks.

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 3.54.56 PM   $11.00

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Virginia Booze Stores Holding Black Friday Sales

black-friday-shopping-620km111612-1363290612State booze stores gets in on Black Friday rush

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) — Virginia Alcohol Beverage Control stores will again offer discounts on Black Friday this year.

The Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control says all of its stores will offer 10 percent off any purchases totaling $50 or more before taxes. Lottery and gift cards are excluded from consideration.

ABC Chairman Jeff Painter says the discounts allow customers to buy premium brands at reduced prices for gifts and holiday entertaining.

Last week the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board voted to adopt a series of “revenue enhancements” that included higher warehouse handling fees paid by manufacturers and a small increase in bottle prices. 

Last year, ABC sales on the day after Thanksgiving totaled more than $5 million, down about 15 percent from the same day in 2012.

Customers also will be able to register for a special drawing for an $80 gift card in honor of the agency’s 80th anniversary. The drawing will be Dec. 17.

Whoa. Hold. The. Phone. This is some good, old fashioned, American thinking right here. I’ve never gone out for Black Friday because the thought of being at any Wal Mart on a god damn regular Tuesday scares the shit out of me, let alone with 5000 people all around me. But I can dig this. This is something that I can stay up, push past the turkey nap, and go fucking bananas at. Throwing elbows, tackling people, smashing bottles over people in line. This is so fucking smart. Everyone will be flooding Best Buy and the mall on Friday morning, but now we can all raid our nearest liquor store, raid it, and walk home. Done.

One of the Greatest Drinking Days of the Year is Upon Us: Thanksgiving Eve

dd39fd95d306262d739e9a09db67b34cfeThe day before Thanksgiving. Today is the day to go out, get weird, and not worry about tomorrow. Because you know what’s coming down the pike tomorrow? Food. Food, more food, and booze. Sure, maybe some annoying family, but if you time up your anger drinking session correctly, that becomes a non-issue. So make sure you get your friends together and get weird tonight.

I wonder where the day before Thanksgiving ranks among drinking days of the year? Like it’s not as fun and just awesome as the Fourth, or as inherently about drinking as Halloween, but the fact that it has a built-in hangover day is unique. Nothing else is like it. You can completely let go and know that the only thing coming your way the next day is plenty of time to recover, and food. Where does it rank for you?

Drunken Whiskey Review: Wild Turkey Rare Breed Bourbon


Wild Turkey Rare Breed is a 54.1% ABV bourbon. What makes this a rare bird is it’s a Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 9.23.36 AMcombination of Wild Turkey’s 6, 8, and 12-year old stocks. Now I know what you’re thinking. Hey, this bourbon is wicked high in alcohol, let’s take some shots! No no no silly. This bird is a rare one, and she is majestic. Let’s get into it. Let’s also try to see how many horrible bird puns I can make in one blog post! Ok, now let’s spread our wings and fly into this review.

How to Drink It

Building off of that, drinking it full strength is fucking perfect. There’s a lot going on in this whiskey, and to fully experience it’s unique-ness, you should drink it full strength and just gobble it down. If you feel like punishing your body for some strange reason, put away your leather whip and take a shot of this stuff. It’s smooth and goes down easy, but this stuff is not meant for shots. In terms of cocktails, it mixes fairly well, but you’d think it would stand up to other flavors better than it does, as we noticed it sort of got lost in the mixed drinks.


Ok here is where the meat of this review will lie. From when you just lift your glass up to your mouth, you definitely get a scent of nuts, and I don’t mean old saggy turkey nuts, but roasted nut aromas. At first sip the flavors include things like citrus, maybe orange or lemon, and a little bit of a tobacco flavor. I don’t know if those two things could be any more opposite but that’s just what I tasted. The aftertaste is just warm. That’s really all I could come up with to describe it. It tastes warm, it feels warm, and it will leave your tongue feeling warm. I also got a spicy flavor at the very end, like pepper spicy. Definitely a whole lot going on, and you can tell it’s because of how Wild Turkey combined their different ages of whiskey for this Rare Breed. However I couldn’t really get a great feel for this whiskey. I liked all the individual flavors themselves, but together I’m not sure if they fit. It’s not like there was too much going on flavor-wise or anything, it just tastes like a whiskey that sort of has too many things it’s trying to accomplish. So there’s a real give and take to the process they use for this whiskey. It combines a lot of great flavors, but all the flavors sort of end up running around like a bunch of seagulls at a Wal Mart parking lot.

Wrap Up

I think the big thing with this whiskey is just that it’s so high in alcohol, but it’s incredibly smooth. I’m talking smoother than most 40 %-ers. The flavors are there, the finish is great, but the smoothness is really what sets it apart in my book. Definitely a must try even if you’re not the biggest Wild Turkey fan.


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Drunk Lady with Video Game Knife Throwing Precision Will Fuck up Your Thanksgiving


Jacklyn Blake, 47, from Pennsylvania, confessed to the attack when Police arrived at the scene on Thursday. Her boyfriend was discovered clutching a towel to his chest, but was later hospitalised with non-life-threatening injuries.

Blake has since been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, reckless endangerment, and simple assault.

The unnamed boyfriend told police that Blake had been severely inebriated earlier in the day and chased him around the couple’s dining room, before stabbing him and throwing the knife, which resulted in a cut just below the left eye.

Via Metro.co.uk
Okay, we’ve all been in a situation kind of like this where you’re a kid, you sit down with your food on thanksgiving, you’re extremely hungry and don’t want to wait for your elders to get their food so you start eating, all of a sudden your mom catches you and smacks you with a wooden spoon for not waiting for everyone else. This kind of is exactly what happened here; just instead of a spoon to the back of the head it was a knife to the chest. Secondly, I want to admire this lady’s knife throwing game. Not only did she hit her target, she managed to hit it with the pointy side if the knife which in itself is near impossible, all while her boyfriend was running around, AND all while she was drunk! I can’t even throw a knife so the sharp part hits, I always end up getting nothing but handle. You do you Pennsylvania, you do you.

“Beer Golf” Is The Next Big Sport

This could very well be the next great sports competition. A clash of wills based on coordination, focus, and aim where only the strong survive!

Or it could simply be another way to have fun with a bunch of large pitchers of beer. Enter the YouTube account: Celebrities in Golf Carts.

In a video featuring actor Brian Baumgartner, the host introduces the world to a new game that fuses Beer Pong and golf.

Dubbed “Beer Golf,” the game involves two competitors who attempt to sink golf balls into a cluster of pitchers full of fermented drink.

The winner is the one who successfully hits golf balls into three of the beer-filled pitchers, earning an impressive-looking glass for his efforts.

Uploaded to YouTube on Nov. 3, the video featuring this innovative new sport has gotten over 86,000 views and about 70 likes.

Who knows? Maybe next year Beer Golf Leagues will be forming across the Republic, or at least in various bars or at holiday gatherings.

Via Christian Post


Hold on a minute. Isn’t this just golf? Seriously what is the difference between what these people are calling “beer golf” and just golf? If you don’t drink beer or anything while you’re playing golf you are a legitimate psychopath and should be locked away for good. Golf is quite possibly the worst sport ever invented. Hand-made for old farts who aren’t physically able to do anything other than poke a ball into a hole, hope in a go-kart and repeat 18 times. But there’s a secret to golf that makes it awesome: drugs. Drugs in the form of alcohol and tobacco and really whatever else you might be in to. Maybe you like doing coke and playing a nice 9 holes before work? Do you, CEO. Maybe you like bringing your flask and drinking and driving while you play 18 on a casual Sunday? Do it. But at the end of the day that’s just golf. No need to call it anything fancy like this “beer golf” thing. Anything other than that just isn’t telling the truth.

5 Best Thanksgiving Whiskeys

1. Kirkland Small Batch Bourbon

Screen Shot 2014-07-20 at 5.27.34 PMCouple things with this bad boy. It’s by ya mothafuckin boy Kirkland, you can buy it wholesale and not even feel judged, it’s actually a really good bourbon for just around 20 doll-hairs, and it’s 51.5% booze, which means that it packs enough of a punch to get you through a full day with your annoying as shit oh so wonderful family.



2. Ardbeg 10 Scotch

Screen Shot 2014-07-12 at 12.09.53 PM Aside from just being an awesome Scotch, this stuff is pretty light, both in color and in body. So that means you can stuff your gullet to the brim with turkey and still be able to drink your face off without feeling like a stuffed turkey. Turkey.



3. Bulleit Bourbon

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 8.20.23 AM Bulleit Rye is a great whiskey to have on hand in any occasion. This way you can drink it full strempf at dinner, and make some dessert cocktails. The rye mash really packs a punch and will shine through in any cocktail that you make, making it the perfect, versatile whiskey for your get together on Thanksgiving.



4. Woodstock Hot Licks

sexSo not technically whiskey and right off the bat if you’re thinking to yourself “really, cinnamon whiskey, what am I, five?” then fuck you. Read this and tell me you don’t want this stuff.





5. Macallan

146Another great stand-by. Always a great pour, and makes you look like a boss. Much like Ardbeg, this is great to have with dinner and after dinner.

Nashua, NH Enters The Whiskey Game With Possibly The Funniest Named Whiskey Of All Time


For approximately one year, local craft distiller Andy Harthcock has been anxiously watching a series of 15-gallon barrels filled with his latest elixir, waiting for the perfect opportunity to sample the goods.

“You have to be very patient in this industry,” he said.

Via The Nashua Telegraph

First of all this website is bananas if they think anyone is going to pay to read the rest of this article. I get the idea. A guy who’s name is dangerously close to “hard cock” is launching a whiskey in the great city of Nashua, NH. Love this move as long as it ends up staying true to the identity of New Hampshire as it is in my own head, and that’s pure, unadulterated freedom. There shouldn’t be a tax on this booze no matter where it ends up being sold, just offer up a mail in rebate for the exact tax amount of your state, have it taste like America, and you’re good to go. People will be sipping on Hard Cock before you know it.

Some Indian Town Finally Lifts Their 18-Year Long Booze Ban



After 18 years of prohibition, residents of the North Eastern Indian State of Mizoram are now allowed to buy alcohol again.

In October, Home and Excise Minister R Lalzirliana said the State has so far issued permits to 56,631 people to buy booze from 22 retail shops in Mizoram.

He told the Mizoram State Assembly this has brought in $2.94m in revenue for the State Government during the eight months since the sale of liquor became legal this year.

Prohibition just did not work, said Lalsawta, Mizoram’s Finance Minister. “We lost revenue and people drank bad liquor and fell sick.”

Some argue that prohibition also drove many young people to use dangerous narcotics that are easily available in Mizoram, smuggled from neighbouring Myanmar.

The tiny, picturesque hill State of Mizoram, with a population of more than one million, is located on India’s far eastern border with Myanmar’s Chin State. The vast majority are Christians and the Presbyterian Church is the biggest denomination – about half of Mizoram residents are members.

Liquor is part of Mizo tribal traditions and zu, the local brew, was used for social ceremonies until prohibition was enforced by the Mizoram Government – under heavy pressure from the powerful Church.

Although the Church at first resisted the opening of liquor shops, it eventually relented. To appease the Church, the Government ensured the new law included stringent measures against drunk driving and drinking in public.

In 1997, Mizoram’s State Government was ruled by a coalition headed by the Congress party, which passed the Mizoram Liquor (Total Prohibition) Act, banning the sale and purchase of all forms of liquor. Though the Congress party lost the next election, the victorious Mizo National Front (MNF) continued with the prohibition law under Chief Minister Zoramthanga, a former separatist rebel turned politician and a devout Christian. But in 2013, the State Government – once again led by the Congress party – amended the prohibition law to permit the sale of a fixed monthly quota of liquor to those holding permits. In January 2015, prohibition was finally lifted in Mizoram. State residents need a Government permit to buy liquor, though. It costs 500 Indian rupees ($7.60), and entitles its holder to buy up to six bottles of hard liquor and 10 bottles of wine and beer every month.

Although the Church at first resisted the opening of liquor shops, it eventually relented. To appease the Church, the Government ensured the new law included stringent measures against drunk driving and drinking in public.

“The Church realizes it does not enjoy popular support on this issue. That is not to say our people wish to defy the Church, but only that they want freedom of choice,” said David Thangliana, a leader in the State’s ruling Congress party. Mizoram is heavily dependent on funding from the Indian federal Government, and currently raises just four percent of its budget from its own resources.

“We are a small State desperate to raise our revenues. Sale of liquor helps us with that,” explained Lalzirliana. “Why should we miss out on revenue when this prohibition has clearly not worked?” Prohibition has also not worked in the nearby States of Nagaland and Manipur, as liquor is smuggled in from neighbouring Assam.

In Nagaland, another Christian-dominated State, prohibition has remained in force since 1989, and the Church and civil society groups continue to place strong pressure on the Government to uphold the ban.

By contrast in Manipur, separatist rebels were the first to enforce the prohibition law, threatening wine shops to close or else face attacks. The rebels play the moral cop, periodically burning the drugs and liquor their armed members seize. The Government, under rebel pressure, banned the sale of liquor in Manipur in 1991. But local brews such as Sekmai remained available. The eastern Indian State of Tripura does not enforce prohibition, but its communist Government refuses to issue licenses for bars, in order to cut down on public drinking.

Other States in eastern India allow the sale of liquor and vie with each other to lower taxes to promote sales. A significant portion of the liquor sold in States such as Assam and Meghalaya is smuggled into dry States like Nagaland and Manipur. “If you have some States selling liquor and prohibition in others, it will just not work. Like water flows from high to low places, liquor will flow from where it is available to where it is not,” predicted former excise commissioner SN Jana. Aside from Nagaland and parts of Manipur, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s home State of Gujarat is the only other Indian State that enforces prohibition. It also remains in force in the Centrally administered island of Lakshadweep.

Meanwhile, the southern State of Kerala is currently trying to phase in a prohibition system.

Via North East Today 


I’ll be completely honest with you guys. I read the source for this article and assumed it was something out of North East America, and not North East India. But all in all that just makes for a funnier story. Don’t Indian people legitimately not have indoor plumbing yet? I’m pretty sure every story I ever hear about India in the news is book-ended with “the people there shit on the streets.” So in reality, having an 18 year booze ban is nonsense, they clearly have bigger fish to fry. Unless they don’t eat fish, then they have some other things to fry. But this 18 year old ban simply makes India look worse because they can’t chalk up their weirdo behavior to being wasted. Sure people pooping on the streets is weird, but it’s really not that weird if you don’t have plumbing in your hut. But the government banning booze just took away excuse #1. Think of the embarassing situations their delegates have probably been in at UN meetings for the last eighteen years. “Hey India, you guys figure out that literally shitting where you eat isn’t smart yet?” And all they can say is “nah not yet man.” Instead, they could have just blamed it on the booze like the rest of the drinking world. But they’ll figure that out soon enough. Every country that wants to be in the first world needs to realize sooner rather than later that alcohol causes and consequently solves all of your life’s problems.