Palcohol: Prohibition Round Two

Prohibition Photo

The government is trying to ban the greatest invention of the 21st century. Palcohol is a magical product that can “turn water into rum”. It’s alcohol in powder form that you can mix into any drink you’d like.

Palcohol is completely safe, because its the same exact thing as liquid alcohol. It’s already been tested and approved by the FDA and the TTB. Everything is ready to go to launch palcohol in spring 2015 except for one thing…The government is trying prohibition part 2 and banning it.

Virginia Lawmakers have unanimously voted (99-0 in the House of Delegates and 38-0 in the Senate) to ban the importation, sale and use of palcohol. Iowa, Kansas, Ohio, and Pennsylvania are trying to do the same, with Ohio already voting to ban it in the house (92-1) and its going to be voted on in the senate.

If this isn’t ridiculous government overreach fueled by corruption I don’t know what is. PALCOHOL IS JUST LIQUID ALCOHOL IN POWDERED FORM. Both are fucking ethanol. It’s the same shit. And the saddest part of all of this is that prohibition may actually win this time. Not enough people know of palcohol, and it hasn’t even hit the market yet so people won’t miss it. Spread the word. Don’t let government tell you what to do. Let’s beat prohibition in round 2.

Drunken Whiskey Review: Evan Williams Bourbon

Intro

I can’t believe we haven’t gotten drunk off of Evan Williams and written about it yet. Evan Williams Bourbon is usually unrightfully placed at foot level at the liquor store, along with other solid sneaky picks, like Old Granddad and thelike. Your boy Evan Williams opened Kentucky’s first commercial distillery in 1783 along the Ohio River. Evan Williams has gone on to become the second largest selling Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey in both the US and the world. Evan also had flow for days:

 

That’s the look of the man who would ask for $12.99 from you, and show you a great time, so let’s get to it. Did I just make it sound like he’s a hooker? Because I didn’t mean to.

 

How to Drink It

Evan Williams Bourbon is extremely easy to drink because of it’s smoothness. That naturally lends itself to being pretty good to drink both full strempf and on the rocks. It has enough of an alcohol kick and depth of flavor (see below) to keep you interested throughout drinking it straight. In terms of mixing, I can’t really recommend this stuff. I just don’t think it was made to be mixed. If you’re doing something simple, like maybe a whiskey and coke, sure, but if you’re doing anything that relies on a real balance of flavor, like an Old Fashioned, you should use something else. On the other hand, you can take shots of this stuff like it’s absolutely nothing. Overall, the verdict is pretty cut and dry here: drink this shit full strempf hombre.

 

Flavor

Before you raise a glass to your gullet, you better be prepared. Evan Williams Bourbon presents quite the mind fuck for the newbie. You will swear you’re tasting banana. I was in complete denial. I ended up asking our entire staff to sip my bourbon and tell me if it tastes like something a monkey would like. I ended up confusing everyone, but I swear to god there’s some monkey business going on. Other than the weird hint of banana that is sneaky making me feel like this whiskey is really just bringing out some homosexual aspirations in me, you get a nice balance of vanilla, cinnamon, and most importantly, booze. I think the aftertaste is what separates Evan Williams Bourbon from other bargain bourbons. With stuff like Jim Beam white and Old Granddad, you enjoy the ride, but not the after-ride. Evan Williams’ strongest point is with the after taste. It literally dashes you with a nice finish of flavor, and then refreshes your palate so you’re ready for the next round (of bananas). I really want to speak with someone from Evan Williams about the whole banana thing. I better have a true Williams contacting me with answers ASAP or I’m going to go ape shit. HA!

Wrap Up

Nothing really compares to Evan Williams Bourbon. It’s cheap, smooth, and packs a punch with flavor. It definitely leaves something to be desired with cocktails, but if you’re creative enough I’d say you can tap into that bananaland stuff and make a pretty kickass drink that’ll prove us wrong. I’d give it a slight edge over it’s similarly priced competitors. If you’re going for something cheap that’ll get the job done, you cannot go wrong with Evan Williams Bourbon.

 

 

 

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 Price: $12.99/ 750 mL

 

 

Ty Pennington May Or May Not Have Destroyed a House

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Ty Pennington wannabe ripped walls off this this woman’s house

Complete savagery

Police were called Feb. 11 about a drunk man in an Akins Road condominium hallway who threw a picture at a resident.

The officers arrived to find the man drunk and bloody with pieces of drywall on his face and his pants zipper down. He said he was moving a ping-pong table yet he kept staring at the wall.

A witness said she opened her door when she heard a commotion outside. That’s when the man grabbed a photo and threw it at her and said, “You will respect me or else.” She added that the man often stays with another resident.

She wanted to press charges against the visitor. Apparently this type of incident had happened before. That’s when the man was arrested. When police searched his friend’s condo, they found a closet where the drywall had been torn out. There were also fresh blood stains on the walls.

The condo owner refused to press charges because his friend had a problem with alcohol. However, the woman did file charges. The man was cited for disorderly conduct, menacing and assault. 

Via Cleveland

Imagine being this officer, you get a call that someone is wrecking your home, maybe you think that this man is sleeping with their daughter, maybe this man accidentally backed up into the home with a car, you walk into the house and you see a bloody dude with drywall in his face. That must be the absolute scariest shit in the world, this is why I don’t fuck around with cops, they do their job and who am I to get in their way? This officer has a drunk ass Ty Pennington going Extreme Home Makeover on this house. When you go full Ty, there is no stopping it, you just gotta wait for it to ride out. One minute you’re trying to make over some kids room and the next you have drywall hanging from your face and the FBI is breaking down the remains of the door you kicked through 20 minutes ago. Ty always made me uncomfortable growing up, not only was he named Ty which you can’t trust, he just had a psycho mentality and was way to comfortable with a sledgehammer.

Lets take a moment to compare Ty to this man,

                                                                       Ty                        This dude

  • Scary as fuck?                          Check                Check
  • Breaks Down Houses?          Check               Check
  • Borderline Psycho?               Check                Check
  • Probably in jail?                      Possibly     Definitely

The only difference is that Ty got a famous tv show and a bus, and this dude got arrested.

 

 

Man Gets Arrested For His Genius Solution to Traffic Jams

What's up Madison

A Napoleonville man told authorities he was drunk when he stole a horse last weekend and attempted to ride it to a Mardi Gras parade in Thibodaux, according to Assumption Parish Sheriff Mike Waguespack’s office.

The sheriff’s office found a horse running in a field near Hard Time Road in Napoleonville around 10:30 a.m. Feb. 15. They determined it was a horse reported stolen earlier that morning. A bridle also was stolen.

Waguespack’s office said investigators identified 20-year-old Maison Rivere as a suspect in the horse theft.

Rivere allegedly admitted to investigators he was drunk and was trying to ride the horse bareback to Thibodaux to watch a Mardi Gras parade. Thibodaux and Napoleonville are about 18 miles apart.

The horse bucked him off several times, Rivere told investigators, so he set the horse free and headed home on foot.

Rivere was booked Feb. 20 with simple cruelty to animals and felony theft. The horse he is accused of stealing was valued at $10,000, Waguespack’s office said.

Rivere still was in custody at the Assumption Parish Detention Center Monday afternoon. His bond had not been set.

Via NOLA

Instead of arresting this bro for stealing this horse and drunkenly riding it to the Mardi Gras parade, this man should be commemorated. Think of the horse ride that has gone down in history that is commemorated today, does the name Paul Revere ring a bell? No way he was sober ridding up and down the streets yelling “The regulars are coming.” Dude was tight with Samuel motha fuckin Adams, no way you can be bros with a dude who has a brewery named after him and not be drunk 24/7, that would just be plain disrespectful. This dude could’ve been yelling literally anything and I would believe it and follow, something about someone ridding a horse down the street yelling words and shit just makes them seem to be important and onto something. He could be ridding down the road yelling “The Aztecs are coming” and I would summon up my inner Corteś and be ready for battle. Horses are just authoritative rides when you know how to use them, you’ll either look like a badass ready for battle or a mounty, there is no in between. This dude’s name is even Rivere! Yeah, its a stretch from Revere, but not much of one, This dude should just get the right to do this due to the fact that his name sounds similar to ya boy Paul. So Napoleonville when you are getting invaded by the Aztecs, don’t expect any sympathy from me since you basically are arresting your own Paul Revere.

Open Question to Our Readers: Is It Douchey To “Collect” An Expensive Whiskey?

 

 

 

I’ve wanted to know what our readers think about this subject for a while. If you buy a wicked expensive bottle of whiskey, and then either store it on display in our house or tuck it away for resale at some later date, are you a douche? Personally I think you’re a huge douche if you do anything other than drink it. That’s what whiskey is for. But there is that whole upper echelon of people who have so much money that everything they do is inherently douchey to us normal folk. But I’m open to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Is it a douche move?

Here Are The 20 Most Popular Beers in America

 

So overall looking The 20 most popular beers in America list quickly, there really isn’t too many surprises. Of course Bud/Coors Light are going to take the 1-2 crown, and then the college beers take over, with Natty and Busch popping up in the top ten. The weird part for me here is at the bottom of the list. There were over 10 million cases of Bud Light fucking Lime sold, 14 million for Bud Ice, and 7 million Bud Light Lime Strawberrypukearita. First of all, I could have fucking sworn that Bud Ice went the way of Surge Cola. Dead. But it’s in the top twenty?! I guess I didn’t think that anyone in their right mind would buy Bud Ice, Light Lime, and Strawberry Pukearita. For a couple years there, it just looked like Bud Light was throwing shit out there to see if it would hit. And apparently they all did in a big way.

Dog Named Whiskey Wins the Dog Show

 

 

RALEIGH — A few years ago, Andrea and David Martin’s puppy, Whiskey, swallowed a small bag of diamonds Andrea used for her job as a jeweler.

Whiskey wasn’t the best dog in the world that day, but he’s made up for his puppy shenanigans. The 3-year-old Vizsla, who lives in Raleigh with his humans, won Best of Breed at the Westminster Dog Show in New York on Tuesday.

“We are on cloud nine,” said David Martin, 51.

Vizslas are sporting dogs, typically medium sized with short coats. Whiskey was judged against 23 other Vizslas from across the country, competing in the sporting group.

Although Whiskey won his breed group, he wasn’t selected for the Best in Show competition.

This year’s Westminster Dog Show featured more than 2,000 dogs – 194 breeds in seven categories. Eight of the dogs, including Whiskey, were from North Carolina.

The Martins returned to Raleigh on Wednesday, but Whiskey continued on the dog show circuit. His next stop was Florida, where he is competing with a professional handler.

He will probably be in at least one show a week until the Vizsla Nationals in Ohio in April, Martin said.

Whiskey has done well in dog shows since he was a puppy. In December, he took home Best of Breed at the American Kennel Club Eukanuba National Championship.

“He’s a gorgeous dog, he likes to show, and he glides across the ring,” Martin said. “He’s confident when he’s out there, and it’s hard not to notice him.”

Vizslas are low-maintenance – no curls to fluff or extra fur to trim. So it’s fairly easy to prepare Whiskey for a show, Martin said.

“You basically spit and shine him, and he’s good to go,” he said.

In competitions, judges look at overall hygiene and how a dog walks and stands. Whiskey’s success is probably due to how well he matches the description of a standard Vizsla.

He didn’t win anything for his Best of Breed title this week, but Martin said the competitions have become a serious hobby for the family. He and his wife have a 13-week-old Vizsla puppy named Brandy and a 14-week-old pointer puppy named Bourbon.

When they’re 6 months old, they will likely start competing.

They should probably stay away from diamonds.

Via The News Observer

 

I’ll be completely outright here. Didn’t read anything past the headline of this article, and I barely even glanced at the picture to see what the dog looked like. Nor do I know where this town is or if this dog show is anythign other than some weird fat girl judging her own dogs in her basement because she don’t need no boyfriend. What I do know this this: come the talent portion of the event (I don’t know if that’s a portion of the event), all this dog did was stand on his hind legs and show everyone that he’s rocking about a nine inch doggy dong. All the fat lady had to hear was “and now contestant number 45, Whiskey, will display his talent: having a huge wang.” And she handed out the trophy right then and there, and probably banged the dog’s owner, and you can guess in what position. That’s right. Missionary.

 

Hockey Dad Goes Full Canada At His Son’s Mites Game

 

This video has recently gone viral and it’s sparking a debate in America, with pundits calling it “disturbing” and “hard to watch,” and raising the national eyebrow about alcoholism. But there’s a reason why no one is even talking about this in Canada, and that’s because this is what every single squirt hockey game looks like up there. “fuck yoo you fuckin goof” is the single most Canadian thing I’ve ever heard in my life. But if you’re little #42 for the home team here and you hear your dad laying into someone on the bench, you gotta be happy, right? This is a million times better than having a parent who couldn’t care less. He’s willing to fight for you. Willing to make a complete ass out of himself. Just as long as he has a couple morning beers before the game (or probably practice). Fuck criticizing the man, he should be the coach.