It’s Time: You Can Now Drink Fall Beers Without Being an Asshole. Also, Fall brew Reviews Now Live.

 

Fall beer has quickly become a weirdly divisive topic. Some people love fall/pumpkin beers, some people hate them. Some people go straight to Twitter to complain that late August is far too early for liquor stores to sell pumpkin beers (and they’re right), and other people count down the days until they can pop on their flannels and begin to pound some Shipyard Pumpkinheads. Well when you’re looking for correct booze opinions, you go straight to this website to tell you what the reality is. The reality is summer is dead. Finished. The second labor day is over, summer is officially in the rearview mirror. Labor Day Monday is the ultimate hangover, look yourself in the mirror and re-evaluate day. You’ve been drinking beer all summer from Thursday to Monday. You’ve been sitting in the sun all summer. It’s time to go inside. Colder weather is coming unless you live in the fairytale land parts of the country where it’s just disgustingly hot all the time. So now is when you can officially begin to go drink fall and/or pumpkin beers. Congrats, you’ve made it.

 

But know what the fucking problem is? A ton of fall beers blow. Some taste like weird pumpkin pies that Grandma Bertrude had accidentally left in her convection oven for a few years and you just discovered it now because she’s dead. Ok a little dark on the analogy there but I’ll chalk it up to being in the Halloween spirit. Bottom line is we got your back. We are going to bite the bullet so to speak and try as many fall beers as we can and more importantly, we’re going to tell you which ones suck and which ones are worth having, and in which setting. We’ll tell you which beers you can play beer pong with, which beers to sip casually with your buddies watching football, and which beers you shouldn’t even clean your toilet with. Our first up is going to be Foolproof’s weirdly named Peanut Butter Raincloud dropping on your eyeballs on Thursday. So gear up, get ready, and happy fall.

Your Monday Suck? Atleast You Didn’t Spend Your Weekend Here

 

Apparently this is from some place in Southern Mississippi. This is the problem that I have on Twitter. People send me these things with ZERO descriptions so I don’t know whether they know that I am going to post it, but I am also 100% going to make fun of it as well. That said, what the FUCK is this place? Between the mom with surprisingly huge knockers with her Addidas’ on who looks like she just came from an exciting spin class to the lady on the pole who I’m pretty sure is wearing ballet shoes to the Dad who’s either dancing or has a stub for an arm, this is quite the group in quite the bar. Nothing says Southern Living like a shithole establishment such as this. Happy Monday.

One of the Greatest Drinking Days of the Year is Upon Us: Thanksgiving Eve

dd39fd95d306262d739e9a09db67b34cfeThe day before Thanksgiving. Today is the day to go out, get weird, and not worry about tomorrow. Because you know what’s coming down the pike tomorrow? Food. Food, more food, and booze. Sure, maybe some annoying family, but if you time up your anger drinking session correctly, that becomes a non-issue. So make sure you get your friends together and get weird tonight.

I wonder where the day before Thanksgiving ranks among drinking days of the year? Like it’s not as fun and just awesome as the Fourth, or as inherently about drinking as Halloween, but the fact that it has a built-in hangover day is unique. Nothing else is like it. You can completely let go and know that the only thing coming your way the next day is plenty of time to recover, and food. Where does it rank for you?

What’s the Verdict On Monday Drinking?

Sometimes I just need to open questions up to the readers because as a booze blogger, my morals went down the drain a long, long time ago. What do you guys think about drinking on a Monday? On one hand, you just need to drink on Mondays because Mondays are inherently terrible. But on the other hand, some people like to start the week off slowly and easy their way into it. What do you think?

 

 

Introducing The Greatest T-Shirt Of All Time

Apparently the story goes as follows for this amazing t-shirt: guy gets drunk, guy designs t-shirt and has it shipped via free shipping, guy completely forgets, guy receives t-shirt in the mail. How awesome is this shirt? Nothing quite compares to the tag-line of “Nude Kung-Fu Midgets With Guns.” Happy monday everybody!

 

h/t to Reddit

Putin Mocks Drunk Reporter, Whoops He’s Actually Just a Stroke Survivor

russia-putinjpeg-0b6c2_c0-201-4809-3004_s561x327Russian President Vladimir Putin made an unfortunate gaffe Thursday during his annual televised news conference, when he joked that a journalist who asked about a local alcoholic drink, was drunk himself, but it was later revealed that the reporter had suffered two strokes and a brain injury that affected his speech.

Vladimir Mamatov, a Kirov-based journalist for the Reporter newspaper, asked Mr. Putin about the production of kvas, a local drink made from fermented bread that is slightly alcoholic.

“A very down-to-earth question. … We produce kvas in my town.” Mr. Mamatov began, stumbling on his words, NBC News reported.

“I have a feeling you’ve had some kvas already,” Mr. Putin replied to audience laughter.

Journalists latched onto the joke, circulating the remark on Twitter.

“Obviously drunk journalist asks Putin how he can get local kvas into supermarkets. ‘I see you’ve already partaken in your kvas’ Putin cracks,” Alec Luhn, a journalist for The Nation, tweeted.

An employee at The Reporter confirmed to NBC that Mr. Mamatov has suffered two strokes and a brain injury and that his speech is slow.

Russia Today issued a correction on its Twitter feed, and the gaffe has made headlines.

“Correction: Kirov journo who asked #Putin about #Kvas NOT drunk — survived multiple strokes,” Russia Today tweeted.

“Work is Kirov journalist peddling Vyatka Kvass, whom we joked was drunk, actually a stroke survivor. I’m sorry. Vyatka Kvass still hilarious,” Mr. Luhn wrote in his most recent tweet.

Mr. Putin was crowned Russia’s “Man of the Year” this week for the 15th year in a row, Russian news source Interfax reported.

 

Does anyone really think that Putin didn’t know this? He was the Man of the Year for the fifteenth fucking year in a row in Russia, he can do whatever the fuck he wants. He probably has a quota of people he’s supposed to shit all over on a daily basis. Putin just must have been one man short, so what’s the most logical thing to do? Pick on the stuttering dude in the front row. I’m not saying it’s a nice thing to do, but the man’s hands were tied. Both the reporter asking a question and Putin dumping on him were just doing their jobs, plain and simple.

LOVE the fact that Putin has won Man of the Year fifteen god damn years in a row. I can’t quite comprehend that one. He’s just on a whoooole different level. Wrestling sharks, collecting awards, putting stutterers in their place.

Politicians Crafting a “Booze Program” That Could Benefit The Homeless

 

 

A program involving dispensing booze, just like medication, may be an answer to problems associated with homeless people battling chronic alcohol dependence.

They would be provided with housing, health and social services at a centre where they’d also be supplied with a standard drink hourly from 7am to 10pm, under one radical proposal.

A new report, Feasibility of a Managed Alcohol Program (MAP) for Sydney’s homeless, has been prepared by St Vincent’s Hospital and funded by the Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education.

MAPs operate overseas but in Australia shelters, housing and other service programs targeting the homeless require abstinence, lead researcher Dr Nadine Ezard told AAP.

“Alcohol dependent homeless people experience higher rates of chronic illness, injuries and assaults, longer hospital stays, increased mortality, and higher levels of contact with the criminal justice system.

“Many also suffer from mental illness and alcohol-related brain injury.”

The researchers reviewed the limited literature on MAPs, conducted a small survey of potential MAP users in Sydney and estimated the costs and savings in setting one up a pilot 15-person facility in the city.

They found the costs would easily be offset by medical, criminal justice and crisis accommodation savings, estimating a net benefit of at least $485,000.

Those surveyed were asked about a day shelter or a residential facility which either allowed bring-your-own alcohol or provided one drink every hour for 15 hours a day.

Most indicated a strong interest in a MAP, preferably for the residential model, being prepared to pay up to 90 per cent of their income where alcohol was provided.

Noting public nuisance and cost savings, Dr Ezard said one participant had taken part in a short-term withdrawal program 116 times.

MAPs could also prevent people from drinking “non-beverage alcohol” such as methylated spirits or hospital handwash.

“We are trying to start a dialogue, very much from a public health, harm reduction perspective, and put forward an alternative for policymakers.”

Via 9 News

Am I in America still? Is this real? Regardless, as human beings we can all agree on one simple fact that will unite us all for the rest of time: homeless people fucking suck. No one likes them, no one wants them around. In fact, one of the only reasons why anyone would live in a cold winter climate like the North East is because they all either die or move south for the winter. So you can walk around Boston without homeless people annoying you. Want to know one way we can make sure homeless people stay on the streets? Give them booze for free. Just let them know that being homeless is OK. Pat them on the back and say “you know what guys, it’s ok that you’re gross and homeless and definitely addicted to alcohol. You know what you need? More alcohol.” Bullshit. I just can’t believe that any rational human would be cool with this idea as a whole, let alone put up their hard earned George Washingtons for it.

 

PS- Just found out this article was not, in fact, from America. My points still stand. Be better, Australia.

THIS Is How You Air Travel

There’s something so beautiful about getting drunk on a plane. It will forever be acceptable because who in their right mind wants to sit in a metal box for 4+ hours, surrounded by 500 pound human pieces of shit, sober? You absolutely have to be hammered to get by on a plane. Now this is where the flight attendants come into play. They can make or break the flight. Anyone who knows anything knows of the exact gameplay to get free booze on a flight:

 

1) order a booze beverage when they first come around with that cart right when you hit cruising altitude

2) Be extremely nice and courteous to the entire staff, ask them how their day is going

3) Order one more booze drink when they come around to collect the trash from the first time around (this step is optional depending on how long your flight is, if you have a quick flight skip to #4, if it’s a longer flight, do this)

4) Go to the bathroom. Make sure you’re going to the back of the plane where they keep the booze (at least on Delta flights). When you leave the bathroom, start a little conversation with the flight attendant who is usually sitting down right back there. Ask about their job, if they like it, if they have kids, etc.

5) Ask if you can have a drink. Make sure it fits within the conversation, you should get to step five naturally from step four. They shouldn’t feel like the only reason why you started talking to them was simply to get some booze. Nine times out of ten they’ll let you make your own drink, or give you more than one nip.

6) Repeat steps 4-5.