And This is Why Heroin Scares The Fuck Out of Me

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OREGON CITY, Ore. (AP) — An Oregon man whose post-Halloween rampage included road rage and pumpkin hurling has been sentenced to 60 days in jail.

The Oregonian reports that 26-year-old Kierson Bisenius was sentenced Monday.

Prosecutors say the man was legally drunk and on heroin on Nov. 2 when he began yelling at a woman he was driving behind in suburban Happy Valley and followed her to her home. Clackamas County prosecutor Jeremy Morrow says Bisenius kicked at her front door, dislodging a glass panel, and left pumpkin pieces all over her yard as he fled.

The prosecutor says the man drove to another Happy Valley house, punched a hole in the front door and tossed a pumpkin inside.

That’s where he was confronted by the homeowner, an armed Washington County sheriff’s detective. Bisenius was arrested.

He pleaded guilty to criminal mischief, criminal trespass, attempting to assault a public safety officer and DUI.

Via AP

Holy fuck that must’ve been terrifying, like people who drive drunk are scary enough, but someone who drives drunk and on heroin takes the cake. I didn’t even know that people on heroin could function let alone get drunk and drive without crashing instantly. Like I get somewhat tired driving home and I turn into one of the worst drivers on the road, but I can’t even imagine what driving drunk is like let alone adding heroin to the situation. At first I simply didn’t believe this guy was both on heroin and drunk off of his dick, but then I read the rest of the article and throwing pumpkins at people is such a drunk thing to do it’s almost perfectly cliche. But kicking and punching right through people’s doors? That is what I assume most mornings are like for people who routinely use heroin. Also this place was just asking for it though right? Who names themselves Happy Valley? Like that’s an automatic challenge to make it the Unhappy Valley? Lastly how does this man only get 60 days in jail? Anyone caught driving drunk and on heroin is bad enough, but going around smashing pumpkins and obliterating peoples doors? I feel as if 60 days doesn’t do this act justice, but I mean Oregon has seen this way too many times before to care at this point.

Editor’s Note: I’m pretty sure Al here shot a bunch of heroin before writing this blog. Had to take the editing weed whacker just to make this comprehendable

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