World’s Oldest Cat, Named “Whiskey,” Dies Like A Little Bitch



A blind British cat claiming the title of the world’s oldest has died a month after his 30th birthday.

Born on August 1 1985, black and white pet Whiskey lived an equivalent of 138 human years.

Owner Lorraine Arnott, 34, was only five when he was born and they have been inseparable ever since. But when he began to lose weight and struggled to walk last week, she knew it was time for him to be put down – at 30 years, one month and 10 days old.

Ms Arnott, a school transport assistant, said: “He had been ill for a few days and he could not stand up. Unfortunately, it was time to say goodbye and I could not see him suffer. I wish it was me that died, I have lost everything and I’ve got nothing left.

“He was better than any brother or boyfriend. There will be no replacement for him. He used to give lovely kisses by putting his paws on my chest and started kissing me on the lips.”

‘It was time to say goodbye and I could not see him suffer. I wish it was me that died, I have lost everything and I’ve got nothing left…’
– Whiskey’s owner Lorraine Arnott
Ms Arnott, from Aston Clinton, Buckinghamshire, buried Whiskey – who was on medication for his ailing kidneys – in the garden on Friday, September 11.

Revealing the secret to his long life, she said she had always fed Whiskey a low-protein diet during his adult life.

“But he was fussy,” said Ms Arnott. “He’d always have a roast dinner with chicken or lamb too. In his last days, he ate 10 sachets of Morrisons cat food and he loved it. I gave him lots of love and he always slept under my duvet. He was always warm.”

Tributes to the well-loved cat have been pouring in from friends and fans and Ms Arnott expects as many cards to come in as when her other cat Rosie died aged 25. She said Whiskey’s mother, Lady, lived until 27.

Whiskey survived a fire at his home last year and Ms Arnott said he put his paw over his face to stop him breathing in smoke.

He was born with both ovaries and testes, but after an operation he was firmly a male. He lost his eyesight as a result of kidney failure.

Via The Telegraph UK


I hate pretty much everything about this story. First and foremost, fuck this world’s oldest cat. Little piece of shit lasts like a billion years, constantly plotting its silent revenge against its owner, and by all signs it never even did anything. But that’s why they call them pussies, I guess. That’s the thing with cats. Everything about them is geared towards killing humans, but they’re just too stupid to act on any of it. They walk around your house all day avoiding you, yet they’ll dart out right when you’re about to walk down the stairs. Coincidence? For sure not. It absolutely stuns me that there are people in 2016 who are actually interested in this old fucking cat. We have major cities, the internet, and even god damn handle-less segways, yet people are rallying around an old cat. An old fucking cat. That is absolutely mind bottling to me.

The overriding issue here, however, is that we’re using the human year/ cat year conversion on cats. Cats don’t get that privilege! You can translate dog years into human years because dogs are obsessed with us. They want to be human, they want to be aged in human years. Cats want your next human year to be your last one. So fuck giving them the dignity. This stupid cat died at the young age of 30. Like a little bitch.

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